Thursday, May 29, 2008

2. Training



Kent held Jamie's shoulders and spoke softly. "The important thing tonight is that we get used to bein' naked in each other's presence. We've never done this before. But from now on, being naked with each other is normal; this is how we treat each other, this is what we do.

"So I'm gonna lower your shorts in a minute, so you can start to get used to the feel of my hand on your skin. And my hand can get used to the private part of you I'm holdin' onto."

Kent slowly lowered Jamie's underwear partway, then stood there holding his butt. "No one else gets to touch you here. But I do." They kissed. Kent lowered the front of the waistband, which freed up Jamie's dick. "No one else gets to feel you like this. But I do."

His big hand circled Jamie's cock and balls and squeezed lightly. Jamie thought, You touched me first.

"This is now normal life," he said.

"Yeah, baby. You pokin' a big hole in my leg."

They laughed; Jamie was hard as a rock.

Kent tugged the shorts down till they fell to his feet and Jamie stepped out of them. Kent was still in his jock, but Jamie was naked. He started to glory in it.

Kent rubbed that firm little bottom, high and round and tiny. "Boy don't mind me touchin' his butt too much."

"Not at all."

Jamie had seldom been touched there in his life. It felt so new, so welcome, so necessary.

"This is what I want, man."

"It's yours, Kent."

"This is what every guy wants. In awhile, when we're ready, I'm gonna make you mine."

Jamie looked at him with those big green eyes; Kent just tucked him in closer, a big hand on his neck, a big hand on his butt.

They breathed together, feeling the other's heartbeat, a bit shocking because it was so new.

They were alive, and life was starting now.

Kent said, "There's only one lesson I want you to learn tonight; just one thing to train you in for how to please me. Get that and we can go on from here.

"Before I even say it, you can't help but please me, Jamie. There ain't no wrong way to be or do with me."

"What a kind thing to say. I feel completely at ease."

"You can't possibly disappoint me. This moment pleases me to the utmost." Kent snuggled closer. "Jamie naked in my arms." He closed his eyes. "Let me experience it. I get to touch you where no one else does."

They stood together quietly, pat-pat-pat. Jamie's hands explored the muscles of Kent's back, his glutes too. They both got to touch where no one else did.

Kent said softly, "Lesson one. Ready?" Jamie nodded. "Turn off your mind."

Jamie stared at him a bit. Kent added, "Your brain comes with an on-off switch. Which I guess nobody ever told you about."

Jamie stared up at him some more.

"I look at you sometimes, and I realize there's never a minute when you're not thinkin'. No matter what's going on, you think constantly. Don't you."

"Well, sure."

Kent smiled, "Other people ain't like that, Jamie. They turn their minds off. It's good to have a little downtime. Recharge your batteries.

"What I learned with you is that smart people never turn it off. You don't have to, for one, and you don't know how to for another. Jamie, the problem with most people is gettin' 'em to turn their minds on, not off. But the thing with you is gettin' you to turn the lights out. I want you to get physical when we're naked, not mental; I want you to feel, not think."

Jamie, of course, thought about this. He wanted to feel too and be physical, but the idea of not thinking—well, it was a new idea. "Where is this switch?"

Kent grinned, "It's real simple. I'm surprised you never discovered it yourself. But since you didn't, I'll show you. It's right here, over your left ear. Zzt!" He pretended to turn a light switch on Jamie's head.

"When you turn your mind off, you're makin' a decision. 'I will not think now, this is a time to relax and get physical and let nature take its course.' But this is key too, it's a skill no one ever showed you. When a thought does come—and with you it always will—as soon as you notice a thought just wandered in, let go of it. Thoughts are good, but not during downtime. When one shows up, just let it pass right on out the other ear. Don't hang onto it. It's no crime a thought showed up, but let it go. This is similar to what some people call meditation."

That sparked something in Jamie's face; recognition, an idea. "I didn't know."

Kent rocked him a little to make him physical again. "Some traditions teach, when thoughts keep marchin' in, to repeat a sacred tone, a nonsense syllable maybe, which gets you back centered again. You've heard of a mantra, or repeating the sacred Om. I don't totally believe in that stuff, but it does help you clear your mind of unwanted thoughts and let 'em go. 'Cause when you're naked with me, I want you physical, boy. Natural, spontaneous. Not thinkin'."

"Okay. In centering prayer one repeats a sacred word when thoughts intrude. But I haven't done it since Ricky."

Rick Lawson was Jamie's late lover, who died eight months ago at 34 after years of horrendous amputations and a final heart attack. His was the wedding ring Jamie put on Kent's finger. It would need replacing someday, but the continuity was okay for now.

Kent said, "So you do have a basis for not thinkin'; that's good. I'll remind you to breathe sometimes, so you can relax. You know it's important to relax during sex." Kent rubbed Jamie's butt more vigorously. "Over time, we'll see if there's a word that helps you relax and be physical and feel centered. If you'll share it with me, then I'll remind you, if I see you starting to go off track. Sex is physical."

"And emotional."

"Yeah. I got a million emotions right now."

"I love you, Kent."

"Mmm. I'm thinkin' it's time for me to take your little ass, so I can make you mine."

"Whoo. Let's go, partner."

"You want candles?"

"Sure."

"I'll grab a couple. I want to see you naked in bed."

Kent left while Jamie pulled down the quilt and contemplated the sheets. If he was going to get fucked on this bed, he didn't want to get it dirty, even if his mother wasn't around to complain about the sheets. They weren't even that nice, but she always took good care of everything she had. He went to the linen closet and found a towel, one of her "good ones," but it was olive green and thirty years old and he hated it.

He thought about his Shower Shot in the bathroom at home, but that was in Ohio. He'd never gotten to use it, because by the time he moved Rick into that house, he was already sick, and they never had sex again. But they had a Shower Shot just in case.

Kent brought in some candles and set them around the room. "Looks nice this way. Your blond hair just shines."

He put his hands on Jamie's shoulders and kissed him in front of the full-length mirrors on the accordion closet doors. "What's your magic word for tonight, to keep all other words out of your head?"

"How about darling?"

"Yeah, 'cause you're my little darling. Ready for trainin'?"

"Sure thing, Coach."

"I like that name too, all the respectful words you think up. I'm your personal trainer from now on, baby. Coaching's physical, so's playin'. Don't think, Jamie, just react. Let me do the talkin'. Hop up on the bed." Jamie did. "On your belly. It's time for my skin and yours to get acquainted."

Jamie lay down. Kent said, "What's your preferred lubrication?"

"With no rubbers? I'll get it."

Jamie went off to the kitchen, then came back, tossed him a bottle and got back face down on the bed. He let his weight sink him as far into the mattress as gravity would take him. He breathed deep.

Kent eyed the unopened bottle: olive oil, Product of Greece, extra virgin. He set it aside. "Let's start with a relaxation exercise, baby." His voice became soft and seductive; he was curious to see how Jamie would react to hypnotic suggestion.

Kent's balls were as eager to find out as his mind was. The boy looked so good lying there.

Kent found the audio remote and switched to a New Age station; he didn't want Jamie's brain overstimulated.
"What I need you to do now
is just to tense all your muscles,
as tight as you can,
so you can notice what tension feels like.
Tense all of your muscles,
from your head to your toes,
like you're in fightin' mode.
Your arms, your legs,
your shoulders, your abs, your fists;
get tighter and tighter and tighter.
Flex everything, that's right.
Make your hands into fists, like you're fightin'.
Your thighs, your calves, your feet, all for fightin'.
Clamp your eyes shut, grit your teeth, ready for fightin'.
And hold it; get tight in every muscle in your body,
and stay that way.

"Get tighter, and harder,
more ready to fight; tense everything.
That's right, now hold it,
keep fightin',
keep fightin'.

"This is what you feel like
when you're tense and fightin'.
Keep fightin', Jamie, don't stop;
don't stop.
Keep fightin' me.

"And notice, you can barely breathe this way,
when your arms and shoulders
and face and chest are all fightin';
your butt, your thighs,
your calves, your toes,
all fightin' me,
you can barely breathe,
you can barely move.

"Hold it; hold it; hold it;
now relax."

Jamie went as limp as Grandma's old dishrag, exhaling with a whoosh.

"Now take a deep breath
and exhale completely;
fightin's over, let yourself relax.
Take a good deep breath
and exhale completely."

Jamie was so glad not to be tense anymore; fighting is hard work.

Kent continued in that soft, singsong voice,
"Your body can't maintain that tension for too long;
your body needs to relax,
it wants to relax.
It has to relax.
No matter how much you try to fight it,
your body has to relax.
It feels so much better to let go of all that tension,
and breathe deep, and relax.

"Breathe deep, and relax,
knowin' that no matter how hard you try to fight it,
you cannot stay tense forever.
No matter how much you try to resist,
you cannot keep resisting,
'cause your muscles have to relax.
It feels so much better to relax.

"Let's prove it now,
so your body knows along with your mind.
Tense up again now, head to toe,
try fightin' me some more,
harder than before;
try fightin' me some more,
your scalp, your eyelids, your teeth,
your jaw, your neck, your shoulders,
tense all of it.
Every muscle, tense and tight;
every muscle, get it right,
every muscle, tense and tight,
your chest, your abs,
movin' down to your thighs,
your calves, your feet.
Clench up, tighter, tighter,
really fight me now,
harder than you've ever fought before."

Kent had to smile at the sight of Jamie's butt, which wouldn't even let a laser beam in there.

"Hold it, that's right;
hold on tight, for all you're worth;
resist, and resist, and resist me.
Keep fightin'; don't stop."

Kent counted silently to 10, then said, "Now let go."

Jamie sank into sheer exhaustion.

Kent said softly,
"No matter how strong you are,
no matter how hard you try,
you can't keep fightin' me forever.
No one can, your body has to relax.
It wants to relax.
It loves to relax.
It needs to relax.
You know this, you just proved it.
No matter how much you want to resist me,
no matter how much you want to keep fightin',
your body will relax on its own.
And that's good, that's healthy,
your body doesn't want to resist.
That's good, that's helpful,
you don't want to resist me.
Every time you try to keep fightin',
now and in the future,
you'll automatically relax and let go,
so your body can feel so good,
so relaxed, so much at peace.
Every time you try to resist me,
every time you hold your breath,
just relax, and let go, and breathe deep.
So deep; so relaxed; so peaceful.
Every time you try to fight me,
every time you try to resist,
your body will remember
to just let go, and relax,
and breathe deep.
Your body doesn't want to fight;
you don't want to resist me,
and you won't, you can't,
you don't want to.
You'll just relax."

Kent sighed audibly and said, "Good boy.
You take your trainin' very well.
You're so relaxed now.
No fightin' at all.
You take my trainin' very well,
no fightin' me at all.

"Just breathing, and relaxing,
doin' a good job,
followin' my instructions,
leadin' to a comfortable place
where you can just relax,
and breathe deep,
and enjoy this pleasant feeling,
as I lead you deeper,
and deeper,
and you can't help but follow along.
You find that you want to follow along,
it feels so good just to follow along
with my directions.
It feels so good
to follow along
with me.
It feels so good
to obey my directions
and follow along
with your Commander.

"It feels so good to breathe deep.
It feels so good just to relax,
and let me guide you,
no resistance,
never fighting,
just relaxing.
Take another deep breath,
and see how good it feels just to relax,
and let me.
You're in good hands now,
the one who loves you,
so let me guide you
and show you the way.
So good, and obedient,
you're safe, and warm,
with me.
I keep you safe
and warm
with me.

"So safe,
and obedient,
and relaxed.
Goin' deeper,
and deeper,
so relaxed,
and obedient,
in good hands with me.
No need to think anymore,
nothin' to fight,
just relaxed.
Good boy."

Kent broke the metal seal on the bottle, poured out some olive oil and started warming it.
"Time this pretty boy
gets a massage from his Daddy.
No words, just feel.
Relax, and breathe deep,
while I touch you,
get you ready,
while I touch you,
make you ready
to be mine.
While I touch you,
make you ready,
feelin' fine.
Feelin' ready
to be mine."

He started in on Jamie's neck and shoulders.
"No more tension.
Breathin' deeper,
while I stretch you out.
Breathin' deeper,
while I spread you out."

He spread Jamie's legs and straddled his hips, with that jock pouch right down the middle of Main Street. Jamie sank deeper into the mattress.

Kent was not a professional masseur, but he had big hands, strong fingers and thumbs, and he knew the location of every muscle on a man's body.
"Mmm,
boy's so pretty
when he's relaxed."

Jamie didn't remember his magic word; his lover's touch made him physical, his lover's voice.

Kent poured more oil on his hands, placed his thumbs on either side of Jamie's spinal cord and slowly tracked them downward, pressing with some force. "Uhhhh," Jamie groaned.

"Yeah, spinal erectors.
Sign of a strong back,
sign of a strong boy,
but it's also a place
where your tension is stored.
Daddy's gonna take care of that.
Daddy's gonna let it all go.
Daddy's gonna take care of you,
so you can let it all go,
and just relax."

He traveled the entire length of Jamie's spine, all the way to his tailbone; down, and up; down, and up. Jamie wanted to say thank you, but he was no longer verbal.

Slowly Kent oiled him up. Every now and then his hands would brush Jamie's butt, but not enough.

After many minutes of intense but quiet pleasure, Kent moved off the bed and started working on a whole different bodypart: Jamie's left foot. At first he massaged it without oil, then he kissed and sucked a big toe; Jamie was amazed at the pleasure. Kent lifted his foot and sucked him.

Then he started working some oil into that foot, stimulating chakras or something, pressure points. Nerve endings, pulling toes, rubbing the good spots, making Jamie writhe a little.

Kent had the kindness and patience to do this slowly, so his boyfriend, his husband, could feel everything. Kent worked on one foot for five or ten minutes.

Then he loved the other one, and Jamie turned into a pudding pop.

He was by now thinking only of the untouched, neglected part of his body; wishing for touches there, and then for dick.

Hoping for dick. Waiting for it. Getting hungry for dick.

But mindless, with his lover doing his thing, Jamie just let him. By now he couldn't remember the capital of Ohio.

Kent started working on Jamie's calves, provoking even deeper vocalizing. Kent knew how to separate one strand of muscle from another. He took delight in the anatomy lesson Jamie offered. With so little fat he was a living sculpture.

"Man, nice hamstrings.
Pretty legs.
Muscular legs.
Gettin' ready for Daddy."

The backs of Jamie's thighs were solid fiber, three inches wide. Kent could even manipulate the connection from the bottom of Jamie's glutes all the way down to his knees.

Kent finally touched Jamie's ass again, not nearly long enough.

Kent straddled him and lifted Jamie's hips up and off the mattress.
"Two more spots, baby,
keep breathin' deep.
Gget the front of your thighs now,
my pretty boy's thighs.
Hands on the mattress,
hold yourself up.
Hands on the mattress,
Push yourself up."

Jamie raised up. Kent oiled his hands, then reached in front of Jamie's legs to start massaging his thighs from behind, jock next to his ass. "Augh," Jamie moaned.

It seemed to go on for 15 exquisite minutes, and Kent never once touched Jamie's aching hardon.

Kent oiled up again and started in on Jamie's chest and shoulders, while Kent's cock kept brushing against that smooth blond ass.

"Boy's got wonderful abs,
Daddy likes 'em.
Wonderful abs,
'cause this boy's a jock.
Beautiful body,
just made for my jock."

Kent massaged his thumbs into those abs, from the center out.

"Deep and cut and flawless.
Goin' deep,
to get you goin'.
Goin' deep,
safe and warm
and obedient."

Jamie knelt there, splayed out in front of his guy, aware of one thing only, D-I-C-K in the U-S-A. It kept running around in his head like a John Mellenkamp song.

He let it go, out the other ear, and out it went.

And then, at last, something happened.
"Hands on the mattress.
Do what you're told,
this is trainin' time.
Do what you're told,
trainin' to be mine."

Jamie held himself up, hands on the mattress, and soon felt a different sensation.

Kent started smearing Jamie's entire ass with extra virgin.
"At times like this,
get the whole muscle involved.
At times like this,
the whole body involved.
At times like this,
your whole body gets ready."

He spread the oil all over Jamie's butt, but not his hole.
"Sex is wet, baby,
sex is dirty.
Gotta get you ready.
Oh yeah, you're gettin' ready.
Oh yeah, you're good and ready.
So your pretty little ass
shines in the candlelight
for your Daddy."

And still he wouldn't touch Jamie's hole.

Until at last he finally did, eliciting a groan the neighbors could hear.

"Since this is my fantasy,
let me tell you somethin' extra.
It's optional, Jamie,
you don't have to listen too hard,
your mind will still register,
don't listen too hard,
keep breathin' and relaxin',
gettin' ready for me.
Just breathe, and relax.
Breathe, and relax.
Good boy."

Jamie became more physical than he'd ever been.

Softly Kent said,
"Once it's summertime again,
I don't ever want you tanning in the nude.
When it's summer again,
no tanning in the nude.
I wanna see this butt snow white,
like you are tonight.
Snow white,
my boy tonight.
When we're at the pool
or we're at the beach,
I'm gonna pick out little bitty trunks for you,
so you got a perfect tan for me.
So everytime I see you naked,
my dick knows right where to go.
Every time you're naked,
my dick knows where to go.
You're gonna do that for me,
aren'tcha.
You're gonna obey that for me,
aren'tcha.
Such a good little boy,
obeyin' Daddy.
Such a sweet little boy,
doin' what you're told.
You're gonna do that for me,
aren'tcha.
You're gonna obey that for me,
aren'tcha."

Jamie nodded, whatever Kent said.

"And all summer long,
you wear them same trunks,
and every time you say to yourself,
so my ass is perfect
for my Kessler man.
I wanna be perfect
for my Daddy man.
I'm gonna be perfect
for my Kessler man."

"Oh."

"You're perfect tonight, baby.
You're always gonna be perfect,
as we get closer and closer
deeper and deeper.
You're always gonna look good to me,
'cause you're my darling."

Jamie hung his head; this guy was fantastic.

"I'm always gonna oil you up, baby,
and the one thing I ask
is that when you need your big Kessler man
inside this little body,
remember this moment.
You don't gotta say a word,
this is how you ask me for it.
You just get down on all fours,
on your hands and knees,
and show me.
Down on all fours,
your hands and knees,
and show me.
This is how you offer yourself,
you get down on all fours
and stick your ass up for me.
It's one thing for me to take you;
it's another for you
to offer yourself.
Don't gotta say nothin',
little puppy,
I'll always know.
'Cause I promise you, Jamie,
anytime I see you like this,
your ass up and ready for me,
showin' me what you want,
I'll give you what you need."

Jamie nodded a little.

Kent rubbed Jamie's butt and said,
"I know what you need, boy.
I've always known.
I got what you need, puppy.
Just breathe and relax,
'cause I got everything you need."

Jamie wasn't paying close attention anymore, just letting the words and sensations wash over him.

"You got what I need too, Jamie.
So I'm gonna start takin' you now." With an oily fuckfinger Kent penetrated him and said,
"I got what you need."

Jamie nearly collapsed. Kent said forecfully, "Arms straight, palms on the bed." Jamie got back up.
"All you gotta do
is show me you need it, boy.
Show me you need me.
Show me you want me.
Show me you're mine, boy,
and I'll never turn you down."

Jamie sighed, then revealed a surprising little thing; a little high-voiced whimper every time he got penetrated. Push, "Nnnh." Push, "Nnnh."

Kent loved having the power to cause that sound. He vowed to make him whimper for 50 years.

"This position's how you show me
what you need, little pup.
This here's your trainin' position.
Just put your ass in the air
for your Kessler man
and I'll take care of you."

And Kent started digging deeper. Jamie was so beyond ready. "Nnnh!"

Softly, kindly, Kent said,
"Got me a boy here,
so honest and open,
he lets me know he needs a stud;
so a stud's what you're gonna get.
Got me a beautiful boy
who's an actual virgin,
and has a man's balls to let me know
what you need.
Even asks me for trainin'.
Wants to be trained in
how to please his Daddy.

"Got me a boy
who's an incredible lover,
always wantin' to give
to the one you love. Aren't you."

Jamie looked over his shoulder at him; Kent was smiling with tender eyes.

He said,
"Got me a strong man here,
who's still a boy inside.
Rosy cheeks,
soft blond hair,
and a look sometimes,
as pure and open as a little boy.
Makes me wanna take real good care of him.

"I want you to know, son,
I love my little Oliver.
My boy's spectacular.
I'm gonna take the best care of you
any Daddy ever took.
I'm gonna satisfy you;
I'm gonna keep you safe and warm.
I am gonna be a good husband
and do your every bidding;
and the one thing I want
is that you learn to give yourself
to me completely,
like a good, obedient boy."

Before Jamie could even form a word, Kent's finger hit That Spot. "Augh!" Jamie groaned. Kent didn't even know what he'd done.

But he tried it again and Jamie said, "Oooohhh."

Feels a little different here, Kent thought. Jamie lost all control of his head, but Kent told him, "Palms on the bed."

Jamie started leaking pre-cum all the way down to the towel. "Nnnh."

Kent whispered in his ear,
"Boy loves this."

"Ohh," Jamie managed.

Kent rubbed that smooth little place and said,
"Your ass is startin'
to be mine now."

Jamie kinda nodded. His whole body was Kent's now.

"You belong to me."

Jamie gave up the ghost, no resistance of any kind. It was all so true.

Kent withdrew, stuck in his index finger as well, and opened Jamie up more. The whimper got louder.

They continued that way awhile, Jamie moaning Kent's praises, finally backing onto his fingers, ready to sign away his life savings, and Kent said,
"I know what you need, Jamie.
Time for my puppy
to get mounted."

It was the crudest thing Jamie'd ever heard, but it didn't really register. Nothing did anymore.

Kent stood on the floor, pulled him down to the foot of the bed so he could watch them in the mirrors. "Palms on the bed." Jamie stayed where Kent put him, and suddenly, the moment they'd both waited for was near.

Kent pulled out his cock, left his strap on and oiled himself up.

He got inside him a little ways.
"You guide me, baby.
You're in charge right now.
Once we get goin',
I'll take over.
But for now,
boy's in charge."

Jamie smiled; what a nice guy. How unbelievable their getting together.

But Kent just waited, so Jamie maneuvered a little, and soon Kent plunged deep into him.

He wasn't in so far that any pain started up, but oh, Kent felt good. They both did, even as Jamie adjusted to the shock and the aggression.

Gradually Kent worked in further, but still going slow, making this whole thing exquisite. They hadn't even really started yet, but Jamie was already a goner.

But in another few minutes Kent saw him tense up.
"Breathe for me, boy.
Tension is bad,
relaxing is good.
You don't want to fight me,
you want to give in."

Jamie kept breathing. In a minute or two Kent said,
"Half inch more,
then I'll back away."

So Kent did that, but he could tell Jamie was in pain.

Thirty seconds, then Kent said,
"Same place."

Ergh, just as bad or even worse. Kent didn't want to hurt him. They both hated this for a minute.

Jamie said, "Slow and gentle, same place. And stay."

So Kent went slow, a little less deep, and he slowly felt Jamie relax. Kent eased up, then came back, same place.
"Goin' slow, baby.
Good boy."

Jamie started breathing hard, but Kent knew to go on gently, and his dick didn't ever want to stop this. It had never felt anywhere near this good.

A man's ass is tight. It was so completely unlike what he was used to that Kent went physical. It took a few minutes but they were learning how to fuck. On their wedding night.

He loved the tightness. And something else rose up in his awareness: for the first time in his life, he got into the thrust. Power combined with desire, resulting in passion.

He didn't have to worry about hurting some girl, or listen to her complaints that he was too big. A Gay guy never complains about that, and Kent knew Jamie was tough.

Thrusting into him became the right thing to do. Kent didn't have to hold back anymore, not with a guy; the guilt he'd always felt, but never been aware of, simply vanished.

This boy expected him to thrust; this boy welcomed it. Jamie said without thinking, "Liberation is sexual."

"Oh God," Kent cried.

"Daddy. More, Daddy," Jamie said. So Kent gave him more, and still had plenty to go.

He clutched him around the neck and shoulders. "Oh, baby, you're unbelievable."

"Go, Daddy."

Kent slowly drove in further, then a little further. "What do you need, boy?"

Jamie's brain took half a minute to wake up. "Daddy's cock."

"Oh yeah.
Givin' you more, baby."

"Oh." Jamie felt the movement, the slow hard thrusts. He was getting fucked, by the man of his dreams, a considerate man, a good man; with a hard, persistent cock that only hinted at more aggression to come.

I'm getting fucked. Oh Kent, you're fucking me.

Kent kept on like that, then sped up just slightly.
"I still got more for ya, baby.
Don't fight me,
it don't do no good.
Don't fight me,
I'll make you feel good.
Just relax,
keep breathin',
deeper and deeper,
for your Daddy.
Keep breathin',
deeper and deeper,
I'm your Daddy."

Jamie moaned.

"You tell me
when you want it all, man.
Just stick your ass up,
that's how you ask me for it.
Don't gotta say nothin',
just gimme your body.
Just gimme your body,
and I'll make you Daddy's boy.
Your deepest desire,
deeper and deeper,
is to be Daddy's boy.
So I'm takin' you deeper,
deeper and deeper,
makin' you Daddy's boy."

Jamie experienced what deeper was like, knowing there was more but feeling this, Kent deep inside him, making him feel such ecstasy; love, power, strength, everything he wanted—but feeling it was so far beyond mere thoughts.

His ass spoke directly to Kent's cock, no words, just motion. You are the greatest!

Kent's cock heard him loud and clear, they were completely in tune now.
"Boy's a tight squeeze
for Daddy's cock.
A real tight squeeze
on Daddy's cock.
A talented boy,
a real good squeeze
for Daddy's cock."

Jamie hung his head and thought, Darling.

"You're wantin' it
all the way,
but you're gonna ask me for it.
So be a man
and show me the truth,
you gotta ask me for it.
To get Daddy's cock,
all the way,
just ask me for it.
Ass up, reachin' for more,
reachin' for me,
that's how you get it.
Don't gotta talk,
the main thing's simple,
just reach up for my cock.
I got what you need, baby." Kent kissed Jamie's neck.
"Boy needs Daddy's cock."

Jamie pushed himself higher, closer to that cock. All the way, Daddy. Please. All the way.

"Oh yeah, baby,
just like that.
I got what you need."

Kent thrust hard, fully inside him for the first time; it made Jamie's eyes roll around. All the way was a lot more than he realized. Kent was halfway up his guts.

But it started to feel really good, and Jamie kept reaching up and back, and Kent started to fuck him for real. Jamie whimpered on every stroke, "Nnnh."

"Oh yeah, puppy.
This is how you get mounted.
Just like this, puppy,
it's how you get mounted,
like a dog."

Never had Kent's cock felt more power. He got all the way in that puppy and rubbed his balls on his perineum.

Kent reached around and pulled Jamie's chin up and back, whispering in his ear, "Finally. What I been waitin' for."

Kent kissed his neck, then started sucking it. With his chin up, Jamie couldn't get away.

From there they drifted and thrust into pure physical sensation, a breakthrough moment, "Boy gives me his virginity. It's mine to take, so I'm takin' it."

Jamie pushed his ass up higher, "I am so fucking glad."

Kent began a series of statements to condition his mind. "Puppy gets mounted by his Commander.

"Trainin' this boy to get mounted by my cock.

"It's somethin' to be proud of; boy's got the courage to ask for what he needs.

"Boy's got the balls to find himself a man.

"Boy's got the balls to get down on all fours, doggy-style. Where you belong. The way you need it.

"Cock's what you need, boy. I knew the day we met. Boy needs cock up his ass.

"All I had to do was listen to you. Boy calls me a stud 'cause he's tryin' to find one. Calls me Commander, hopin' I'll finally take charge. Boy does what he's told, if the man's strong enough. Otherwise Jamie's the strongest one in the room, the man among men. Makes the FBI back down, makes the governor; but he's secretly hopin' a man'll show up and finally give him what he needs, a big cock up his little boy ass, a man he can submit to, love and respect and submit to. I'm what you need, baby. And you're gonna submit to me from now on. You're gonna submit, to me and no one else, just me. You're gonna submit to me forever, aren'tcha."

Jamie felt that cock plowing into him, opening him up, body and soul. And yes, he would do whatever Kent wanted.

"You wanna submit to me, don't you?" SMACK! "Don't you?"

"Oh, yes, sir." Jamie had never called a man sir in his life; the word just slipped out. This man was Darling.

"Ohh," Kent shuddered, "calls me sir. Don't gotta be told to, calls me sir on his own. You're gonna submit to me all the time, aren'tcha."

It was more a prediction than a command. "Yes sir."

"I'm what you need, ain't I."

"Yes sir! Jeez, you feel good."

"Learnin' to submit to me. You're mine now, Jamie. You're mine. Aren'tcha."

SMACK! "Yes sir! I'm yours, Kent, I'm yours, I'm yours, I'm yours."

Kent yelped, wrapped his arm around Jamie's abs and buried his cock up that little blond ass. "Yeah, this is how my puppy gets mounted." He thrust as far inside as he could get.



Evidently that word meant a lot, but Jamie couldn't think. He had cock up his ass. Kessler cock, which he'd never even seen. He didn't care whether it was five inches or ten, it was perfect. "Got me a Kessler man."

"Yes, you did," Kent growled, slapping Jamie's ass.

Kent slipped off his gold chain and clasped it around Jamie's neck. It felt warm on his skin. "You're married, boy; you're mine now. You belong to me."

Jamie gasped at that; he loved everything about this, the slaps on his behind, the chain on his neck. "Darling," he moaned, "forever."

His hard dick bobbed up and down as Kent fucked him. Jamie smiled and stuck his ass up to get more.

"Yeah!" Kent cried. "Blondboy loves it. Man, come and get it!"

Jamie did, pushing back with his hands, arching his torso.

He was getting slammed by a Kessler man.

He was submitting; he didn't choose it, it just happened, and he let it. He let Kent have him, all the fucking way.

Kent turned Jamie's jaw to the side, "Look in the mirror." Jamie looked at it. "This is you gettin' married."

Jamie cried out. He saw a muscleman pounding into a little guy's ass. He blinked, and the little guy stared right back at him. They looked so little and the big guy looked so big.

It took Jamie a minute to realize he was the boy.

He looked at the muscleguy's face, which was lit up with lust. "Remember this, baby. This is you gettin' married. This is you gettin' fucked."

And Jamie just knelt there, down on all fours. He pointed at the mirror and said, "Puppy."

The boy in the mirror pointed back at him. "Yeah," Kent exulted. "Like you were born to be."

The blond in the mirror did look like he was having great fun; Jamie leaned his head back on his shoulders and laughed out loud.



In another few minutes, though, he began to feel fatigue in his arms and shoulders. "Kent, change maybe?"

"Sure." And in one little flip Jamie was on his back, looking up at a black-haired, sweat-soaked muscleman.

At that moment it finally occured to Jamie to check out Kent's dick, but already it split him wide open.

"Ohh," Jamie wailed, "darling!"

"Yeah," Kent muttered, "fuckin' my little blondboy."

It was huge fun for several minutes, then Jamie said, "Do you…? Can we…"

Kent stopped immediately but didn't withdraw. "What, baby?"

"Slower? And gentle for a little while? Make love to me, our first time. Please, would you make love to me a little while?"

"Of course, sweetheart. Man, do I love this!"

"Then a great big ending maybe, whatever you want?"

Kent kissed him. "You got it, baby."

"Oh." Kent went a lot slower, and for the first time in his life Jamie got kissed by the lover who was fucking him. He got halfway weepy over that, and grabbed Kent's shoulders to pull him closer.

"What?" Kent said. "Feelings, not thoughts."

"Just how I always imagined."

"This position?"

"Yes sir. I love this."

"Why? What makes it great?"

"I can see you. We can see each other. I get to see your face."

"Aww," Kent gushed, kissing him some more. "Boy likes my face."

"I love seeing you, Kessler man."

"Oh, baby, if you knew what that does to me." So Kent showed him with his dick instead.

"Big handsome guy I just melt for; I want to see you. I want us to see each other." Jamie grabbed Kent's hips and pulled him as close as men can get.

Kent kept kissing him; Jamie stayed hard all through it. For the first time maybe, Kent got into the oralness of kissing, which was Jamie's all-time biggest turnon. Kent stuffed his tongue in that hot wet mouth, which gobbled for more of him.

Kent realized something else; he loved having Jamie's hands on his ass, pulling him closer.

Kent shook out his hair, which sent a few drops of sweat flying onto his lover's face. Jamie's tongue reached out to try and get it. And he must have tasted a drop, because he cried, "Oh my God, cover me with Kessler sweat!"

"I got everything you need, baby. And everything's what you're gonna get." Kent pinned Jamie's hands overhead.

Jamie's eyes flew open, big as saucers, in complete shock; Kent would not let him go, but smiled at him and fucked him deep. "Powerman, baby. I'm the guy you need."

Jamie lay there defenseless, his mouth open as Kent kept smiling, inviting him, encouraging, fucking him, making him feel fantastic. "Said you love power. Boy, that's what I got. So you're gonna feel it now. You're gonna surrender to the power."

This moment of maximum revelation contained their whole future. Kent's goal was to turn him on to power like never before. He prodded and plumbed that little ass, then saw a flicker burst into flames.

Jamie panted. His mind wasn't working, but he knew his lover was taking over. "Fuck me, Daddy. Just like this. Fuck me hard, Daddy, fuck me hard!"

Jamie's cock pulsed up and down, and his ass opened up even more. "Take it, pretty boy," Kent smiled. "It's okay, just our secret, no one'll ever know. I love you this way, seein' you surrender to me."

"Oh, God. Fucked by the man of my dreams!"

"Learnin' to give in to me, little guy, the man you love who adores you! Now the time is right, baby, show me what you feel. What do you want, baby? What do you need?"

A dam broke, floodwaters rushed out. "I need you, sir! I need your fuckin' cock!"

"You surrender, baby? You give? You ain't gettin' away from me. You ain't never gettin' away. You gonna keep on fightin', or you gonna give up?"

"I'm not fighting you, sir!"

"That's what you're sayin' now, but what about ten minutes from now, when you start tryin' to control me again? You gonna give up, Jamie? You gonna surrender? Try gettin' away, see if you can do it. Try it, maybe you can."

Jamie tried to get his hands free, but they were locked over his head. He thrashed around writhing, yet he barely moved.

Kent looked deep in his eyes, "I know what you need, baby. Surrender."

Jamie looked afraid for a second, but Kent just beamed at him, full of love.

And suddenly Jamie quit fighting. Joy spread over Kent's face. "You gotta say it, though. 'Sir, I give up, I surrender.' Words mean a lot to you, so you're sayin' 'em."

Jamie relaxed his whole body, "Sir, I give up. Let me be yours forever."

"Yeah. You're my boy now." Kent spread Jamie's legs and drilled him as deep as cock could go. He never let up on those wrists. "You ain't gettin' away from me, boy."

"No sir. Don't want to."

"Even if you did, you ain't goin' nowhere. You're mine now." And Kent stuffed him full of cock.

Jamie stared at him in awe. "I want to be."

"That's what makes this so beautiful, Jamie. But even if you don't wanna be, you're mine now. Try it again and see."

Jamie tried to push his wrists up off the mattress, but he couldn't, they were pinned. Kent had the advantage over him, the weight, the gravity. But he didn't hurt Jamie's wrists, he just stapled him there. And smiled at him.

Kent was Academy-certified in Non-Violent Restraint. If need be he could immobilize Jamie for hours. Someday maybe he would, but not tonight; tonight was the introduction to how it was going to be. Kent held him down and fucked his little ass.

The man of Jamie's dreams pinned him to the bed and fucked him , making him feel better than he ever had. "Like this? All the time?"

"All the time, ten thousand fantasies, and a boy who asks me for trainin'. You tell me, is this how it's gonna be?"

Jamie searched Kent's eyes; no danger, no rapacious greed, no abuse. Kent smiled as he fucked him. "Yes sir. I love you, Kent," Jamie smiled back. "Man, are you great."

Kent kept driving. "And I love you. You're turnin' into a great little trainee."

"I'm a little scared of one thing, though."

"Not now. Relax, don't fight me. Say what you want but don't fight me. I'm fuckin' you, boy, no matter what."

"No fighting, sir. Just don't take away my masculinity. Can't be your boy if I'm not male."

"I'm gonna love seein' you in your boots, little man. Little blond cowboy. What color's your hat?"

"White."

Kent laughed his ass off. "Boys in white always fall for men in black. You like a little danger, don'tya, leatherboy. You need a little lawlessness in your life."

"Maybe so, sir."

"God, I love it when you call me that! Finally, boy learns to respect the cock that mounts him. Finally, after all this fuckin' time."

Jamie's abs started to quiver. He'd never expected a bit of this. "I'm okay to you? I want to be."

"Baby boy, you're fuckin' perfect!"

"Fuck me, Daddy. Please?"

Kent kissed him. "You were born for this cock. Made to get slammed down and fucked."

Jamie gasped, out of control. "I didn't know!"

"It's okay, baby, I did. You are so beautiful when you surrender to me."

"Gimme cock, Daddy, please?"

Kent frowned. "Please what?"

"Please, sir!"

"Yeah." Kent plowed into him and speeded up the tempo. "Little virgin boy discovers Kessler cock."

"Kessler cock's the best!"

"Damn right. Which is why you won't go lookin' for it nowhere else. Will ya."

"No, sir, never, I promise!"

"Most beautiful boy in the world. You are mine, son, mine and no one else's. Whenever you need cock you come to Daddy."

"I will!"

"All you gotta do is get down on all fours and ask, puppy. I ain't never gonna turn you down."

"Oh God, how did this happen?"

"You're mine, boy. Ain't that what you want?"

"Yes, sir!" Jamie had never in his life deferred to someone else, he wasn't the type. At least he didn't think so, but here he was begging for it. "Kessler cock up my ass!"

"Yeah. I got what you need, man, long as you got the balls to tell me the truth. Yet that's the part I never doubted; you just have to be shown, given permission. Boy's got to be trained."

"Tell me I'm still a man to you."

"Totally. But I took one look at you and said, the perfect fucktoy. Oh, baby, you are so gorgeous. And you fuckin' feel so good. God, I've never felt nothin' like this."

Jamie lay his head back, shut his eyes and let the big man fuck him. He rolled his ass around to get more.

From then on he gave himself to the cock. He started squeezing it, twisting his hips, gyrating, wanting to give this cock joy.

Kent exclaimed, his eyes blazed. "I'm always gonna love you, little boy, and I'm always gonna treat you sweet. But I'm lettin' you know, Mr. Fantasy Banker, Mr. Schemin' Little Fucktoy in the leather jacket, Mr. Ivy League Intellectual with the twitchin' blond behind, when you mess with me, I'm gonna mess with you. You ain't never seen competition for who's on top like I am. 'Cause I play to win!" Jamie's eyes shone at this outburst, but Kent kept smiling at him, approving of him, dominating him.

Kent pressed him down and started driving deeper and faster. "If it's Kessler cock you need, it's Kessler cock you're gonna get. Some no-account lunk, huh? A big dumb farmboy from Crawfordsville, Indiana. Some blue collar cop, the kind you Gay boys fantasize about down in German Village and the Short North."

Jamie gasped; those are Columbus neighborhoods, his office was in the Short North.

"The high school quarterback you wanted but didn't get, 'cause you had to be discreet and never tell no one, even though you're a jock too, every bit his equal. Well, guess what, little boy. The quarterback wanted you too, but was too damn dumb to know it!"

"Oh, Kent, I love you so much. We're together now, let's be together always."

"Open your mouth," Kent demanded, fucking him harder than ever. "Stick out your tongue."

Jamie stuck out his tongue; Kent scrunched down and laid a wad of spit right on it. "Ooh," he marveled, "Jamie gets a taste of my precious bodily fluids."

Jamie laughed; they were both now officially crazy. They laughed together.

Then Kent shifted, to shove Jamie's wrists together and pin them with one big Kessler hambone. Jamie tried to push up again, but Kent still had the angle and the weight. With his left hand he held Jamie's face and said, "You know what? I'm glad I got what you want, Jamie; I'm glad you need this dick. Startin' now, you got an unlimited supply. All you gotta do is obey me. Got that? The way to get my cock is to obey me. Will you do that?"

"I think so, sir, um…"

"Questions tomorrow, not tonight. Tomorrow we'll talk when our brains come back."

"Okay. Right, sir."

"Obey me. And no matter when or where, I'll be there for ya, baby. Ten thousand fantasies, sweetheart, plus your birthdays and leap years too.

"And when you gotta be aggressive, when you ain't in no mood to be my little punk, when the little guy who's big in all the right places has to prove it one more time 'cause he's Foster the supermodel, the great reporter, always bein' chased by people, but who's entitled to get it on with a real live man for once in his life—I'm the one. Jamie, darling, I'm the one. Fuck me blind till I'm crawlin' on the floor, I don't care. I've got to be your husband."

He fucked him fast and hard like a major league athlete. Jamie groaned, "Oh, Commander, marry me. Make me your boy. I'm yours, Kent, please let me be yours. Change my name if I have to, I've got to be a Kessler boy!"

From those perfect words it started, that electrical charge that every body knows. Kent's toes started curling, his scalp went spastic, his torso started shaking, he opened up his tingling legs and slammed his cock home—shooting Kessler sperm right up that hot little ass, over and over and over again, till there weren't any babies left.

"Oh God!" he cried, "beautiful boy, you are mine!"

+++

Afterwards, minutes later, Kent stayed sprawled on top of his lover, still inside him, kissing him, holding him and whispering, "You're mine now, Jamie. You're mine, so tell me you'll be mine forever."

"Forever." Kent's upper body was covered with sweat, and Jamie started licking up his biceps with big long strokes. Something about licking Kent's skin that excited him.

Finally he dived into that jungle armpit like he was dying of thirst. Kent's sweat tasted like candy testosterone; Jamie had to get every drop. Kent held his head in place, then showered him with kisses.

Finally Kent withdrew, stood up, crossed Jamie's ankles so he was face down, reached into his gym bag, found a jock strap (size small) and a black marker—shoved the jock up Jamie's legs and autographed the back of it, KESSLER 22 and the date, MOUNTED & MINE.

Jamie lay there in a daze, property of a Kessler Man, as his neck adusted to an unfamiliar chain and his ass composed love songs. Franz Schubert should be so lyrical.

What the hell just happened? Jamie was a top until an hour ago. Now he laughed into his pillow like a fool. Behind him in the half-bath, Kent took a piss and laughed too.

Then he dove onto Jamie, turned him over, got his cock out and made love to him. Sucked him, not that well maybe, but fine for a first time, as the squealing boy went nuts.

Finally Kent asked how to get him off. "Should I jack you off? Show me how, baby, train me. Please, I wanna see my little boy's cockjuice."

"Give me some oil and play with my ass? Kent, I'm so thrilled."

Kent got hard and penetrated him again, Jamie turned on his side and wanked, which became a perfect position for reaching back and kissing, and from there it didn't take long at all, Jamie was so beyond excitement. He flopped onto his back, Kent pounded his ass and soon Jamie splattered them both with cockjuice.

They were amazed at the trajectory; Kent got cum on his shoulder and Jamie landed some on his chin.

They celebrated, rolled around in stickyjuice, and in an afterglow of ecstasy, slowly began to fall quiet in each other's arms.

"Greatest night of my life," Kent told the universe. "Greatest guy I ever met. Beautifullest blondboy ever. And he's mine. I'm his, he's mine. We… are… Kessler men."

"We got married tonight," Jamie said in amazement.

"Thank you, God," Kent mumbled.

"Amen."


A little later Kent asked, "How do you like to sleep? On your back, your side, your stomach?"

"I usually start out on my back, but in a few minutes I always turn over onto my stomach."

"I'm a back sleeper pretty much; sometimes I wake up on my side. Get comfortable, baby. When you want to turn over, lean on me."

So Jamie lay on his back, with the sweet scent of Kent in his nostrils; he liked stretching out. It was good for his spine to lie on his back.

But in a few minutes he wanted to turn over, so he did, his face on Kent's shoulder, his hand lightly grasping the other side.

"Oh, pretty boy," Kent breathed, "greatest fucking night of my life."

Jamie slid closer to Kent's armpit. Kent reached down to pat Jamie's butt. They lay that way together a few minutes.

Softly Kent said in that same seductive voice, "Snuggle in, baby. Daddy's got ya."

"Mmm." Kent breathed as Jamie listened and felt his man's heartbeat.

"I know it's askin' a lot for you to obey me. My boy's a man, I know that, even though you look 16 sometimes. Pink cheeks, innocent eyes, I ain't never seen no one like you.

"I ain't tryin' to lord it over ya, baby, even though I am kinda; it's too complicated to explain right now, so let it wait till the mornin'. I just want you to obey me at certain times. Not all the time, baby, I promise; just when it's time to fuck. I do want that, and you're gonna give it to me, but it don't mean I disrespect you, or won't follow you plenty of times. I will, man, I promise. I know you're all grown up; hell, you provided for a disabled guy, when I ain't never provided for no one.

"When it comes to sex, you called me sir; I didn't ask you to, but I totally loved it when you said that. I wanna be the guy you look up to, Jamie; I wanna be your hero so damn bad."

Jamie licked Kent's big nipple and murmured, "Anything you want, you get."

"I know I'm egotistical; I tried to tell you. But I guess until you see it full-out, you wouldn't know what I mean. I'm a Kessler Man, Jamie; where I come from that counts for somethin', so I try to live up to it.

"Still, my Dad'd be the first one to smack me down if I was selfish; he was never selfish with my Mom. Those two had the best marriage anybody ever seen; and I just want us to be like them, in a Gay way I guess, two guys.

"Jamie, I ain't never gonna undermine your masculinity; hell, that's the thing I like the best about you."

Jamie heard that; he was sleepy but he stayed tuned in.

"We got a lotta talkin' to do. It'll have to wait till tomorrow and the next day, the next six months. I wanna talk, baby. I know we got a lot to learn about each other.

"But here's how I see it tonight, okay? You don't gotta listen, go ahead and fall asleep if you want to. But somehow I gotta get this out." Kent sighed, "I'm so emotional right now."

Jamie reached his lips up to kiss Kent's neck. "Don't distrust your feelings; your openness is what I like best about you."

"Well, Dad could get pretty emotional about my Mom, so I guess I ain't doin' too damn bad.

"Jamie, I loved my father."

"Stud, he loved you right back."

"Yes, he did. He was confusin' at times, I never really knew how he'd react to anything, but he was always there for me, and when he criticized he was prob'ly right; but I know he loved me. He was thrilled when I made the Bigs."

Jamie massaged Kent's biceps, a home run hitter's arm.

"Here's what I'm tryin' to say. I want you to obey me, yes, one hour a night when I'm fuckin' you. When you gave me them 10,000 fantasies, I just lit up. I'm gonna use 'em all, boy, I promise you that."

"Good."

"But that's just an hour a day, baby, and the other 23 hours, I promise I'll do whatever you say. You run things, man; you're better at it, I know you are. My life is so much better just from bein' around you. We gotta strike a balance, and 23-1 seems right to me. I want a sweet, submissive boy in my bedroom; I admit it. I always did, even though I didn't know it till you walked in.

"But I don't want a doormat, I don't want a punk; I want a man who can direct me and show me things too. About living; about what's important in this world.

"And I know I got the best possible guy to do that for me." Kent sighed. "Jamie, I'm an ignorant hick."

"No, you're not. You're very smart. You have kinetic intelligence and emotional intelligence that are very rare, Kent. Your thinking is logical and your values are just."

Kent mulled those over. "Well, I think we can be a good combo if you'll accept my system. You do what I want in the bedroom, I'll do whatever you want everywhere else."

"Twenty-three hours to one?"

"Yeah, baby. I want that one hour, but I want the 23 too.

"And it don't mean I won't let you get aggressive. I know I got a man here, he ain't some passive hole. I aim to please you so bad you won't never go to someone else. I want you to be a whole person, just like I get to be who I really am."

Jamie exhaled deeply. "Oh, studman, fuck me again."

"You mean it?"

"Of course. If not tonight, tomorrow; fuck me again."

"Oh baby, you got the prettiest damn ass there ever was."

They lay together, grooving.

Kent said, "What tonight means is we're takin' on responsibilities to each other. It's a big thing to say 'Obey me,' like I'm hot stuff. I ain't, I know better than that. But it is what I want, and it does fit my system, and I promise if you can see your way to it, I'll make it worth your while."

"Responsibilites. Yeah."

"I swear to God I'll always keep you safe and warm. You will never be cold again, Jamie, I'll see to that."

"Really?" Jamie was interested in this.

"I know you hate the cold, so when we go to the grocery store, I'll drive us and drop you off right at the front door. I'll meet you inside, then I'll cut out at the checkout line and bring the car. Every time, long as we live, Jamie gets door to door. Ain't gonna let my boy get cold. He hates that shit, so it ain't happenin'."

Jamie chuckled. "That's a lot to promise."

"I know, but I will never let you be cold. And it goes with other promises; I will always keep you safe. I will protect you; please let me protect you. I'm your bodyguard, Jamie, ain't no one gettin' between us again."

"Oh, darling."

"I know you're strong; I seen it. You took on them killers like the trash they were. Oh, God, do I admire that. I can fuckin' quote you word for word."

"I don't remember."

"I know, baby. I'm just sayin', as strong as you are, I'm your bodyguard from here on out. No one will ever get between us. You're my boy."

"Let me guard your body too."

"Yeah, absolutely. I need you, baby; I need someone watchin' my back. I need you for my Partner, man; not my boy, not my punk-ass, but my Partner. My husband, the one I can count on if the goin' gets rough."

"This could be a good system, mister."

"Oh baby, I've tried to think of everything. I know you'll come up with things I ain't thought of, and believe me I want to hear every last one of 'em.

"In the meantime, I want to provide for you, honor you and cherish you, like in our vows tonight. I'm so glad you thought of that. You're the one who's helpin' me get my act together finally, post-baseball. I've tried to do right, but I've never gotten into a good groove. 'Cause I needed someone to love me, the way I really am; egotistical, dominant, a good cop I think; but otherwise a scared, lonely guy who never could figure out why there wasn't no one to love me.

"And then, finally, in walked Jamie, ready to love me, and let me bend him over, and ballsy enough not to give a fuck what the preacher says. It's right there on your business card, Ohio Gay Times. Man, I fuckin' slobbered over that thing."

Jamie chuckled. "I will obey you, Kent, and I'll watch your back."

Kent pulled him up and kissed him. "You're mine now, little stud."

Jamie nodded crisply, "Yes sir, big stud."

"Oh God," Kent moaned. "Bless this boy forever. Let me be worthy of him."

"When we argue, help us work it out."

"When he starts lookin' at some other guy, remind him I got a big dick."

"Remind him I've got a better track record at monogamy than he does."

"Ain't that the truth," Kent laughed. "But I got my parents, and I got a system, and if you will help us, Lord, that will be enough."

From there Jamie just meditated; if you will help us, Lord, that will be enough.

In a minute Kent quietly started snoring.

Jamie listened for a little while, then matched his breathing with the snoring, which is almost a comfort when you love someone. And they slept.++

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

१. Phos hilaron




It was the night life began, and Sergeant Kent Kessler started it out by breaking the law.

It was the first of many misdemeanors he planned to commit.

He’d been drinking. He’d taken his confidential informant to a basketball game; afterward they went out to celebrate and things got out of hand. Perhaps that’s how a prosecutor would argue it, but the truth was a bit more complex.

James R. Foster wasn’t just any informant. He was a well-known investigative reporter who helped Kent solve a serial murder case. Along the way they became buddies, partners, best friends.

The game was Jamie’s first night out in three months, since he got home from the hospital; the season opener for his favorite college team. He was so excited he started cheering before they even got there. His beloved Purdue Boilermakers put away the Miami RedHawks in the last five minutes.

They ate a good dinner afterwards and obtained information that would lead to another arrest. That alone justified busting loose; they had every reason to celebrate. Plus it happened to be Kent’s 27th birthday, so yes, they had a couple of drinks, but no one got out of control.

Not yet, anyway. Now, by any means necessary, he was going to make his informant his lover.

He'd developed a written plan, and now would implement it, "Operation 3-S," to remind himself of his goals.

So even at the risk of his job, he wasn’t about to call a cab to take them home. What he was going to do didn’t need any witnesses.

He pulled his stud-red F-250 pickup out of the restaurant parking lot to drive some 2.2 miles, by the back roads, at the speed limit. With luck he would not encounter a single vehicle or pedestrian.

He knew he was doing wrong, but this was West Lafayette, Indiana, a Big Ten college town surrounded by cornfields, and the minute they left civilization, they left it.

So far so good
, but criminals always think that. Kent smiled and concentrated on his driving.

A civilian would likely be found not guilty; his breath alcohol content was only .039. But he was guilty, all right, and completely without remorse.

Indiana state troopers are considered legally intoxicated at .030 BAC, less than half the alcohol consumption of civilians. They are held to a higher standard. Maybe that’s not fair, but it’s part of the job, and it had never impinged on his behavior before; he wasn’t much of a drinker.

But he was intoxicated, all right. With any luck he would soon be very impaired.

They didn’t talk. They had talked themselves blue at the restaurant, telling each other their backstories. Now they were alone in each other’s presence and about to make love. That made them silent, conscious of the moment, of each other’s body.

Jamie leaned onto the armrest between the seats. His left hand reached under Kent’s right thigh, grasping the muscle, making his leg come alive.

Kent had a major felony growing down there, and he had every intention of committing that offense too.

He turned up the heater against the late November chill; Jamie was one to get cold easily. Kent remembered him shivering at the crime scene at Willow Slough; it was hot that day, late summer, but Jamie had thin skin and no body fat. When the wind whipped off the lake, he got cold.

A week later Kent saw him without a shirt, in a hotel room in Indianapolis. He was built like a thoroughbred, sleek and athletic, with big arms, a tight, muscled chest, amazing abs and a little bitty waist, giving him a V-shape so wide he was bound to get grown men in trouble.

That was the night of the serial killer takedown, when Jamie saved a man’s life and got stabbed three-fourths to death. Kent’s task force finally got there, but not soon enough to prevent a nine-day coma. From which Jamie emerged to ask, “Commander, how many killers did we get?”

Kent shook his head at the thought of such a warrior.

And openly Gay. Whatever is the world coming to?

The answer to Jamie’s question was now 20, going on 21, in the biggest known conspiracy in the history of serial homicide. Usually, repeat killers are lone wolves, or a dominant bully and his twisted sidekick. But this case had accomplices all the way to the FBI.

Jamie didn’t remember that night, nor even Kent’s name after the fog. But Jamie was the first on the task force to call him Commander, which led everyone else to call him that too, and it was the first word out of Jamie's mouth when he woke up. He shouldn’t even have been able to talk, but somehow he gasped out the perfect thing.

Commander. That was ironic, because Jamie called half the shots, but it filled Kent with pride anyway, to have the guy look up to him and defer to him at the crucial moment, publicly supporting his leadership: Commander.

Kent would issue a new order soon and enforce it ruthlessly: Whatever you do, you ain't leavin' me.

Kent knew how to make a man obey. Sometimes you sweet-talk 'em, sometimes you force 'em.

Prettyboy likes sweet talk. But time he finds out what he's up against.


Oh, how he’d ached for this guy. But here he was, at full strength again, riding in his truck and about to strip naked. If Kent weren't a trained officer, he'd probably drive right into the ditch.

But he made it to the little house safely, turned off the headlights and put the transmission in Park. He kept the engine running, not knowing why; sometimes it’s just good to savor your arrival.

Months they’d spent since then, together at this house, as Jamie slowly recovered and Kent came by every night. They’d had a lot of fun here, become the closest of buddies, but always with an unbridgeable gulf between them, an openly-Gay reporter and a macho cop with a reputation as a ladies’ man.

How do you tell a guy you love him when you don’t even know who you are?

You don’t, and Kent didn’t either. So they became pals, without becoming quite honest.

Then, just today, separation screamed down: Jamie said he was going home to Ohio. So Kent finally showed him what he felt with incoherent fumbling, whereupon Jamie kissed him right on the spot—in front of 14,123 people and a nationwide television audience.

They weren’t on camera, no one even noticed, but Jamie did have a flair for the dramatic. The minute Kent let him know he wanted him, Jamie made his move.

Just like a stud.

That was two short hours ago. Change is speeding up these days, but this was an epic switch.

Kent was so excited he could barely breathe; yet he was deeply calm too. He knew what he had to do, so he set about doing it. He had plotted this operation for months, and now he would execute his plan.

With practiced skill he kept his emotions in check. His mind drew back to a wider perspective.

They were two unusual men from an ordinary place, to whom extraordinary things had happened. Neither of them asked to get mixed up with serial killers, but they didn’t shy away either, and they lived to tell the tale. Heroism just happens, an accident in a moment, and theirs didn’t figure into this one. The only thing important now was getting out of their pants.

Kent’s eyes drifted shut, and he pictured that little bubble butt. Narrow, round, high and tight, made to get slammed down and mounted.

Jamie was caught up in his own reverie. He became aware of his breathing and deepened it. He didn’t know what he was getting into; neither of them did.

But when he was centered and sure of himself, he slapped Kent’s thigh twice—smack smack!—eyed him and climbed out of the pickup. Kent killed the engine and scrambled out.

Time for his opening gambit: Kent cupped his hand around Jamie’s neck to escort him to the door. He made it seem like the smallest, most natural gesture, but it changed his awareness: he felt big and tall, protective and directive. I'm a cop, little boy. You're comin' with me.

Jamie naturally went along without thinking—and Kent's heart smiled. The walk was over in mere seconds, but it gave him the most masculine pride he’d ever felt. He was going to get this guy and keep him forever.

Nine-tenths of him was a very Good Cop; the other 10% was real Bad. And they both lusted after Jamie Foster.

On the porch as Jamie unlocked the door, Kent said, “Can I have a kiss goodnight?”

“Surely you’re not thinking of leaving.”

"Heck no, but this is the end of our first date, so I want a kiss on your doorstep.” Kent pointed to his mouth, "Lips here."

Jamie stood on the concrete as Kent bent down to him. They kissed, only their third time, and held each other tight. Jamie had to stand on tiptoes to reach him.

Kent held him by the chin and the ass, step two, no objections. They became their lips, their arms, their bodies. Good boy.

When they couldn’t finally get close enough, Jamie leaned back a little and they looked at each other, truly saw each other.

The face Kent saw was stop-traffic gorgeous, almost too beautiful to be a man’s. Yet infusing Jamie’s innocence was a rock-hard core of courage that was raw masculinity.

The face Jamie saw was all-American macho, ladykiller handsome, with a smoldering gentleness that ignited Jamie's passion.

They were opposites: Kent tall, dark and athletic, Jamie short, blond and artistic. They fit together like a man and a man.

They pushed inside the house. No lights were on, there wasn’t even an electronic clock glowing, it was pitch black; and Jamie didn’t move right away, so Kent closed the door and waited. They’d seldom spent any time in this living room and he wasn’t sure where all the furniture was.

Jamie moved away. Kent could hear him taking off his fancy black jacket, the crinkling sound leather makes when it moves. Years later Kent would remember that sound for what it told him about his prey.

Jamie headed further into the house. Mildly Kent asked, “Ain't you gonna turn on no lights?”

“No, not right now if that’s okay. Relax a second, I’ll be right back.”

So Kent cooled his heels, staying spontaneous. He took advantage of the separation to slip his duty weapon and holster into a nearby drawer, which he opened and closed soundlessly. The low console by the front door was the one piece of furniture he was sure of; he'd picked it out weeks ago as his weapon drawer, a good hiding place, because Jamie couldn't stand the sight of guns.

How dark it was, though. The house was in the middle of a cheap and deteriorating subdivision on the edge of town, outside the city limits; no street lights, no sidewalks, low taxes. Kent knew Jamie didn’t like this house; it still smelled of cigarette smoke, three months after his mother died young from tobacco.

That was why Jamie had just agreed to sell it, which set in motion the entire crisis, confession and kissing.

The house spoke everywhere of her, and of his loss. Jamie had no desire to keep a Mom Museum, so he sold it to a family of Cambodian immigrants with two gorgeous, stairstep little girls. His Mom would love having little girls in her house, so Jamie knew when the right family came along.

He came closer and set something on the dining table; Kent knew vaguely where it was. But still no lights came on.

Instead Jamie came and took him in his arms. Kent closed his eyes. “Man, this feels good.”

They held each other close. Their groins pushed hard. Then Jamie raised his head to kiss him. At 6’4”, Kent was six inches taller.

They kissed again, the fourth time in their lives; just lips at first, just lips.

Then Jamie’s tongue reached out to lick. Kent wrapped his arms tighter and tasted him.

Deep in Jamie’s throat a little sound started up, like a cat purring. Nothing turned him on like kissing.

His hips began to find the depths of Kent. They pressed and swayed as their lips and tongues kept exploring.

Kent grew aware of the hardness of this body in front of him, its muscularity, its firmness, its maleness.

He stood there kissing a man. He couldn’t believe it, any more than he could stop it.

He didn’t ever want it to stop, not ever. A man! He gave himself over to kissing this man.

Kent’s body felt light, like he was losing his balance. He widened his stance and pushed his hips forward.

A man—this was what a man felt like. A hard, macho, tender-as-buttercups man.

Kent grabbed tighter. His hands had to feel all of Jamie’s back. And then not just his back, but that tiny little behind.

Left hand grasping that firm muscled ass, right hand finding the back of that head, Kent’s tongue reached deep and his dick pushed hard.

And the body in his arms began to surrender. Kent knew it the second it happened, flooding him with joy.

Aha, little man, I knew it. You are gonna be mine.

Two minutes they stood that way, both taking, both giving, and not even a tornado could have moved them.

Finally Jamie broke the hold; they stood there gasping, astonished. Then Jamie attacked him.

And Kent let him. Oh, what’s this like, when the little guy gets his way for a minute?

Kent couldn’t think anymore, he could only feel this hard little man taking over him.

Every muscle and joint in him loosened. Jamie could have dragged him to the opera and made him listen to the fat lady and Kent would have loved every minute of it.

So this is what joy is like. He let himself feel the delirium.

Jamie grasped Kent’s chin, smooched him and beat his chest once. That felt good, so Kent stuck his chest out for more. Jamie beat him three more times, then rubbed his pecs, fingers passing over nipples.

They kind of liked that, and Kent smiled.

Then he felt Jamie grasp his arm and lead him towards the table. They moved a few steps and Kent's guard went up. Jamie said softly, “I want to try something about lights.”

“Okay, baby.”

"Oh. You've never called me baby before."

"I'm gonna call you that lots. You're my baby boy, so come to Daddy."

Jamie chuckled. “I brought a candle here, and there are several others in the house. I think we should have a little candle-lighting ceremony.”

“Okay.” Jamie could have said he wanted to slaughter goats in the living room and Kent would have said the same thing. Funny how power flows back and forth between us.

“Um, it may help us if we design this, put some thought into it.”

“Okay. Design?”

Jamie was quiet for a minute while he thought. “We are beginning our first night together. Being with you, making a permanent relationship, is the most important thing in the world to me.”

“Me too, Jamie. God, you mean everything to me.”

“So how do we start out right? We have two things to think about maybe; this first night, and our life together. What do we want those to be?”

Kent shook his head, just listened.

“One, we’re getting ready to make love.”

“Yeah, baby, we're gonna fuck. It's what you need, baby. I got what you need.” Kent adjusted himself.

“Part of me just wants to rip our clothes off, roll around on the floor and go at it till we’re senseless.”

“Works for me,” Kent grinned. “Senseless, huh?”

“Crazed. Wacko. Can’t even remember our names.”

“Okay. More, though, pretty boy?”

“This is our first time. And we should do it right, whatever right turns out to be.”

“Right sounds good. Long as I get you naked.”

“Kent, I want to remember this the rest of our lives.”

“We will. We're gonna do it right, baby. Can't nothin' go wrong from now on.”

“Maybe we shouldn’t just stumble about, though. Maybe we should create the future we want from the very start.”

“Keep talkin'. I like it when your lips move.”

“I don’t know what this design should be, but if you'll bear with me, I think I have a procedure for finding out. I’m going to take this unlit candle, and let’s go over here and sit down on the floor facing each other, and talk a little. Then when we’re ready to go on, we’ll know.” Jamie led him to the middle of the living room. They sat down cross-legged and he put the candle between them.

He said, “We’re starting out in darkness. And what we want to do is to feel that first, and then go on to see each other’s light.”

Kent nodded. He started to appreciate what Jamie was doing, not part of Op 3-S at all. But even with a specific desired outcome, Kent always knew Jamie'd spring surprises and he'd have to be ready for anything. It didn't matter, because it would all lead back to the same result, naked and wet.

“We know what each other looks like, so we don’t need light for that," Jamie said, "but now we want to know more about each other on the inside.”

“It’s the inside I love, baby, as well as the outside. Boy ain't just pretty. He's beautiful inside."

“It’s the inside of us that falls in love with each other.”

"Yeah, buddy. I love you inside out.”

“So recognizing that we are two separate people, coming together to make a relationship we want to be lasting and faithful, even before we know what faithful really means; let’s first acknowledge the darkness we come from: the darkness of solitude.”

“And loneliness.”

“Oh yes,” Jamie said gravely, rubbing Kent’s knee. “Very lonely. That’s how I know I want to be with you. These last three months you’ve taken all my loneliness away.”

“I was slowly getting miserable till I met you, Jamie. You’ve made my life better than it’s ever been.”

“So as we acknowledge the dark places we’ve been in by ourselves, we can prepare to light our candle, having already glimpsed the light in each other, and basked inside its glow.”

“Man, you are wonderful. How do you come up with this stuff?”

“As we sit here together, talking and touching, opening ourselves to each other, each time we see more light, let’s start to take off our clothes, making ourselves more open and vulnerable to each other, until at last we see each other as we really are. Naked, with imperfections as well as strengths and beauties.”

“I’m so glad you want to be faithful. That’s mandatory, Jamie, I need that. Don't go breakin' my heart by foolin' around with nobody else.”

“I won't. It's not a morality thing to me, or mere conventional thinking; I wouldn't give you five cents for patriarchy or the 'heterosexual model.' I just think monogamy's what actually works—if a couple are both committed from the very start. I know a lot of Gay guys in successful, longterm relationships who aren't monogamous; but they always separate sex and love, and I want them integrated, not separated.

"There seem to be several ways people break sex and love apart. They love each other, but they're not attracted to each other. Or they love each other and are attracted, but one wants sex every night and the other wants it twice a month. Or one likes a certain kind of sexual activity the other's decided he can't stand, so having sex becomes impossible. Or the most common thing, which I suppose is only human nature, they're good friends, but they're both so selfish and immature they want to sample every kind of candy in the store. They want what they want when they want it. They're always on the prowl, and they tell themselves they don't get bored this way, eating the same old Hershey bar every night. But it's just as likely they're scared of real intimacy. That's what I don't want for us. Who is more dear to me than my intimate, lifelong friend?"

Kent got quiet; he was impressed, but he couldn't think of what to say, so he kissed him instead. "Go on, man."

"It's a challenge, I suppose, for two people to trust each other so much that they can open themselves up as they really are, with all their wants and needs and contradictions, so they don't have to be their pretend-selves. When you love someone, you find what is beautiful about him, what is sexy, what turns you on. Looks are only skin-deep, and they fade over time; what then? Personality's the most attractive part of a man; every guy on the planet's got a dick, so he'd better have something more going for him than that.

"I love your personality, Kent; your values, what you stand for, how you treat people. You happen also to be physically beautiful—but here in the dark I can't see that. If I were blind, I'd still be hugely attracted to you. So let's start out in the dark, because this is where love begins."

"You're still the same Jamie, even though I can't really see you."

"I don't care that my opinion's out of fashion now. I just believe that monogamy, for those who can do it, makes for much closer relationships. That's what I want. But it's difficult or impossible unless we're both committed from day one—and we learn the skills it takes, the honesty and openness, the readiness to please each other, to accept each other, trust and forgive each other.”

“My parents were monogamous, Jamie. If we have half of what they did… man oh man.”

“Let's not just give and receive each other’s good intentions; the road to hell is paved with those, so let's stay off that highway. I think we should make promises, commitments, and develop ways to keep them when the pavement runs out and the road gets bumpy. That's how we become able to give our minds and souls, because we've come to trust each other, as we learn to give and receive the gift of our bodies, every part of each other.”

“Oh,” Kent sighed, "and our bodies become one.”

“Your body inside my body; your heart inside my heart. Maybe you’d like to say that too?”

“Your body in my body; your heart in my heart. Oh, man.”

“This is the darkness of separation. Now let there be the light of love.”

Jamie grasped a fireplace lighter, struck a flame and lit the candle, followed by two others on the end table.

Softly he recited the candle-lighting prayer, Phos hilaron:

“O gracious light,
pure brightness of the everliving Father in heaven,
O Jesus Christ, holy and blessed.
Now as we come to the setting of the sun,
and our eyes behold the vesper light,
we sing your praises, O God:
Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
You are worthy at all times to be praised by happy voices,
O Son of God, O Giver of life,
and to be glorified through all the worlds.”

He pulled off his sweater and T-shirt, and sat in front of Kent shirtless.

Music started up quietly by remote control, English folk songs by Ralph Vaughan Williams.

They looked at each other. Kent started pulling off his black satin baseball jacket, his red flannel shirt, his undershirt. He wore an athlete's gold chain, mandatory somehow, heavy links. They sat staring at each other, naked from the waist up.

Jamie said, “I hope that wasn't too religious?”

“No, baby. You're right to bring God into this. Who was it but God that answered my prayers and brought me you?”

“Man, that’s exactly how I feel about you. You're this gift from heaven, in my mother's living room."

Kent let himself be dazzled by Jamie’s blond hair. “Oh, my darling. You are so beautiful in the light.”

Jamie was awed by the muscular athlete in front of him. He’d only seen Kent briefly once before, at that hotel when he was trying not to look. “You are more man, with more love, than I ever knew to want.”

Kent moved the center candle aside, reached out and started stroking Jamie’s hair.

Jamie said, “I feel like we’re in a dream.”

“I love you, Jamie. I’ve always been afraid to give my heart to anyone. But with you, it’s easy to say. I love you.”

“Love makes us so vulnerable to each other.”

“I promise to treat you right.”

“I promise to comfort and support you every day.”

“I hope I never let you down, not even once.”

“When I let you down, I’ll beg your forgiveness.”

“Well, we’re human, we ain’t perfect. I know I’m not.”

“You’ve got me fooled, mister. What I see is perfect manhood.”

Kent put his hand on Jamie’s thigh. “Maybe it’s good that we’re taking things slow.”

“We should take the time to figure out what we want together, so we can actually achieve it.”

“I want us to be one, forever.”

“I just want us to learn how.” Jamie picked up Kent’s hands. “Will you have me to be your beloved; to live together in the covenant of marriage? Will you love me, and comfort me, honor and keep me, in sickness and in health; and forsaking all others, keep only unto me, so long as we both shall live?”

Tears welled up in Kent’s eyes. “Yes, I will.”

“Kent, I will have you to be my beloved husband; to live together in the covenant of marriage. I will love you, and comfort you, honor and keep you, in sickness and in health; and forsaking all others, keep myself only unto you, so long as we both shall live.”

“Oh!” A tear almost spilled down Kent’s cheek, so he grabbed him and held him tight. “I never thought I’d hear those words. Oh, baby, oh my God.”

Jamie held him, and started rocking him a little. Kent sniffled, “How did you know those words?” He eased back.

“Well, I garbled them up a little, but now is hardly the time to drag out the Prayer Book. Years ago I was an acolyte at scores of weddings, so I know the basic idea. There’s more to it, but the promises are what seem like the important thing right now.” Then he remembered something else. He pondered a second, then his idea felt right, so he pulled off the gold ring from his left hand, lifted it up and looked up to heaven. Then he said, "With this ring I thee wed; with my body I thee worship; and with all my worldly goods I thee endow, in the Name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen."

He grasped Kent's left hand and slipped the ring on his little finger. It almost didn't want to go past the knuckle, but a little jiggling secured it.

Kent stared at it, and all he could think to say was, "Amen."

"So," Jamie said, "it is done."

"I wish I had a ring to give you."

"You do, somewhere."

"Ah, I know what I'll do. When do I get to kiss my groom?”

“Anytime you want.” So Kent grabbed him, held his face in both hands and kissed him, a lot longer than they’d ever get away with in church.

Finally Kent said, “How did you know to do this?”

“I didn’t, until we sat here and lit the candle, and I thought about what we’re really doing tonight. It’s not just having sex, it’s making a relationship. And to me that takes promises, a commitment. Those vows that lovers make are the only ones I know.”

Kent blinked. “I’m a married man. I’m married to Jamie Foster!”

Jamie's jaw dropped. "I'm married to Kent Kessler." Twenty-four hours ago he thought they'd never see each other again.

He said, “You know, at a wedding, the priest only gives the final blessing; it's the couple who perform the sacramental act. They marry each other by their promises given and received. That’s the essential act in every wedding, not the priest making his big announcement or giving them 'permission' to kiss. The priest is just an afterthought—though the couple's vows are considered stronger when they're made in front of witnesses and God's representative.”

Kent shifted till he was on his knees, and took Jamie’s hands. “Then let's get us some witnesses. Jamie, will you come with me to Massachusetts, or one of them other states so we can be married under the law?”

Jamie's eyes got bright. “Yes, Kent, I’d love to! But I’d also want the blessing of the Church if we can get it.”

Kent frowned, “Mine doesn’t do it, I don’t think.”

“Mine's done it in the closet for years, but now it's openly approved, local option.”

“A real church service? With flowers and stuff, a big cake?”

“New Hampshire. Maybe we could get Gene Robinson." Jamie thought about his friend Gene, the first openly-Gay Bishop in the history of Christianity. He was horribly busy being a role model and a target; what if he could find the time to marry them?

“Man oh man. A real church wedding would be fantastic. Would you consider taking my name?”

“Well, there's a new thought. I'm inclined to say no at first, not professionally I don't think; but it's a wonderful idea, Kent, doing something with our names. Maybe we could.”

“I’d love to make you a Kessler man. Oh, Jamie, my heart would bust.”

“Let’s think about it. Mom isn’t here to object; Stone would probably be happy to drum me out of the family. Let me see what Danny thinks.” Those were his older brothers.

“Okay. Take your time. We got time, baby. We're already married in our hearts."

“Oh, what a joy to hear you say that. Let’s light some more candles, and use that as a transition to opening up a little about sex.”

“Yeah, I’m totally inexperienced with a guy. I been studyin’ up, though, everything I could get my hands on.” Kent lit two candles on the glass-topped coffeetable, and Bad Cop started rising again.

He’d watched lots of video snippets for his 3-S research. Most were pretty awful, but a few gave him some excellent tools. He knew what turns Gay guys on, and what goes too far and is emotionally abusive. Good Cop was all over him on that.

Kent flashed briefly on his sexual history. He'd never pleased a woman that much, or even come close to getting one to please him. A sexual athlete? Nah. Denial, some homophobia maybe, and just plain ignorance were his real weaknesses; he never knew who he was before he met Jamie.

But now he hoped to become the man's man he always wanted to be; king of the jungle, top of the heap. He held Jamie's neck again and kissed him.

And oh, that blond innocence played right into his hands.

“Should I show you how, do you think?" Jamie asked. "Or do you have an idea already of what you want?”

“Both, maybe? I got a few ideas and fantasies.”

“Good,” Jamie nodded. “I have a birthday present for you.”

“You do?”

“No gift wrap, though. You didn’t tell me it was your birthday.”

Kent didn’t want to obligate him, and with the Incident and all, Jamie had no way to buy anything. "Where's my present?”

Jamie pulled Kent’s shoulders forward till they were nose to nose. “Twenty-seven years’ worth of fantasies.” Jamie made a quick calculation, 400 times 25. “Which comes to about 10,000.”

"Yeah? Where I get to decide what I want, then I kinda tell you what to do, and you just do it?"

Jamie nodded. "Arabian nights. A Cherokee cementation ceremony, where we take off all our clothes and dress each other in them, then disappear into the mountains. Palace intrigues in the Ming Dynasty!"

"I could take my pick of all of 'em." They searched each other's faces, then Kent’s lit up. “What about leap years too? I know I got leap years comin'.”

Jamie cackled in delight; “Leap years too. And I bet that a year from now, you’ll have another birthday. There’s another 365. Buddy, you will never run out.”

“Oh wow, I’m gonna use all of ’em. I’m rich! Got me ten grand in the bank already. Do you pay interest?”

“Not in this economy, but we're insured. You'll have a lifetime supply of sexual joy. That, I think, should be one of our most important goals."

"Yeah, baby. I'm here for you."

"We want to take care of each other’s body, our minds and emotions and turnons, and respect our different tastes and pleasures and needs. We won't be the same, we can't be. But…”

“We can work together. And communicate.”

“And put each other first. This is one of the issues that trips people up about monogamy; 'oh, he's into name-your-kink and I can't stand that.' Well, if you're into it and I love you, then turning you down just drives you away. So I ask you to show me how to do what you want; maybe explain your turnon, teach me how to do it the right way. I'll be damned if I'm going to sit in a nasty bar drowning my sorrows while you're out with someone else. Let's find a way to compromise and accomodate and just plain try.

"Kent, if you’re into something I’m not, I’ll do my best to be open-minded and get into it with you. I do ask this, that whatever you do to me, I can do to you too, okay? We should have that equality. With that, anything safe, mister, it’s yours. Ten thousand fantasies. Happy birthday.”

Kent kissed him. "And you're gonna do whatever I say?"

"If it's safe, why not? I may not be good at it at first, but I'll get better."

“Mutual respect, too. I’ll do my best to make you satisfied, Jamie.”

“Whatever pleases you will also please me. Let me ask, what's the worst turn-off you can think of?"

"Honestly? Women's clothes. How about you?"

"Women's clothes! I want a man, not a woman."

“Yeah. That's something I've always known about you. My guy needs a man." That was Bad Cop talking. "I’m so glad to be gettin' physical with you finally. God, I’ve dreamed of this every night.”

“And getting physical is more than sex, isn’t it. Sometimes guys get so obsessed with orgasm they forget they've got their whole bodies to work with. Every part of you gets pleasure being touched, and every part of me. Use your whole instrument, not just the G Major chord. You can't make a song out of that."

"Ooh, baby's gonna play me a symphony."

"And there's other body language to consider. Let’s decide something about staying close, no matter what, even though we know we’ll feel distant in some future moment. Please, no running away at times like that. Silence is okay, anger is okay, but stick close by.”

“I hope it never happens.”

“So do I, but it probably will. People just misunderstand each other sometimes. Let’s learn to develop so much tenderness, honesty and trust that we can be truly intimate with our deepest thoughts and feelings and needs. Let’s say there’s some sexual act that you truly love, but I don’t do it, or not often enough, or not the right way. If I don’t know how you feel, I’ll just keep fumbling around. So teach me how to do it right. Be bold enough, and considerate enough, to teach me the right way. The last thing I want is for you to lie there thinking, 'This is all wrong,' but you're too uptight to help me change it. We have to teach each other, not just assume we're both experts in sex. We don't even know each other's bodies yet."

Kent saw an opening. "That ain't teaching, Jamie, that's training. Teaching is academic, desks in a row, it's headwork. Showin' a guy how to perform a physical skill, that's training. Cops train all the time, with lots of practice. What you're askin' me for is training."

"Then train me, sergeant. You're right, I need training."

Kent took a minute to absorb this, which only made him harder. "What a great guy I got, askin' me to show you how to move. I'll train you, all right. I'll show you exactly how to move." He gave him an evil grin. "And I'll see you get lots of practice."

"I really do need it, Kent. Every body is unique. I've only done it with one guy, and that was years ago. I'm way out of practice, even with the basics. And my ass has never been touched."

Kent's eyes narrowed. "You wantin' me to change that for ya, pretty boy? You gonna give me your virginity?"

"Um, yes, if you feel like it?"

"Then say it. You want me to train your ass, baby? Is that what you want?"

A few years ago Jamie was featured twice in People magazine's "100 Most Beautiful People" issue: The Total Package as well as World Class Ass. There was plenty of demand for his posterior; too much. But some small part of him, even as a Gay man, was a little proud he had held out for love; he was monogamous, and his first lover was a bottom. So now, did he want his ass fucked, five minutes after getting married? "If it's one of your birthday fantasies, then yes, of course; Kent, would you train my ass?"

"Man oh man," Kent exulted. "You come to the right guy, baby. Boy even asks me to train his behind."

"Mutual teaching is part of intimacy to me. How can I do it right if you don't show me how? So I'm thinking with training, and 10,000 fantasies, no matter how we're getting along at the moment, if you want sex, all you have to do is cash in a fantasy. Even if I’m hurt or upset, I owe you one. Just pull up at the drive-thru at Jamie's Bank and Trust, and ask for what’s yours. Politely, I hope, but it’s your money.”

Kent grinned, “I’ll be polite. No sense bein’ rude to the help when I got me such a great bank.”

“Let’s be partners, so that together we can find the greatest fulfillment two people can have together. Part of that is sexual ecstasy, where we love and desire each other exactly as we are, because we know each other so well, and trust each other with all our imperfections. Let's feel free to express honest, deep emotions without judging ourselves or each other. That's’s a lot to promise and it won’t all happen tonight; but it can start tonight. Therefore it must. Therefore it will.”

“Ooh, great present. Excellent present.”

“What’s your first fantasy?”

Good Cop elbowed his way to the front. “I want to sleep with you. Naked.”

Jamie backed away a little and said, “That one's a freebie, mister. I love sleeping with my man. These past three months, I cling to my pillow and pretend it's you. Please let me sleep with you; please sleep with me."

"Hey, I'm lovin' this bank. The premiums are better than a tote bag."

"I actually think sleeping together's my ultimate fantasy. It’s certainly my most lasting and pleasurable one. He’s there; my guy’s touching me, he’s right there. We’re safe, we’re warm, all is well, and so we can sleep. It’s okay, my guy’s right there.”

“Like we protect each other.” Jamie nodded. “Yeah, every night, I'm gonna protect you, baby. Still, I want you to know I ain’t never slept with nobody before. I always wanted to, but I’m kinda scared about it.”

“Scared? How can I help you relax?”

“Afraid I’ll get too tense and can't sleep. I’ll thrash around, steal all the covers, and you won’t like me no more.”

“I’ll steal half the covers back. We’ll learn how to sleep together so we get a full night’s rest. We've slept in the same room before; we can train each other to sleep in the same bed.”

“Wow,” Kent said, picturing it. “Even that’s a big step.” Good Cop could be a little sappy at times, but he was so sincere; he was the one Jamie loved, not realizing Bad Cop even existed.

BC liked it that way.

“We’ll learn," Jamie said. "Just tell me your rules as we go along. Everyone has rules, but they don’t always tell each other. That creates misunderstandings.”

“We’ll tell each other, you and me. By the time I'm done trainin' you, you'll know all the rules.”

Jamie kissed him. “Even if it seems negative at first. If we talk…”

“It can stop being so negative.”

“Oh, man, I want you. Naked in bed.”

“Ooh.”

“Can I feel your muscles?”

“Damn! Would you?” That was the first time Jamie ever heard Kent swear.

Jamie’s hand trembled a little as he reached first for Kent’s hairy forearm and gripped it, then slowly up, past the elbow, across the tattoo to his biceps. Jamie reached his thumb underneath and stretched out his fingers, but he couldn’t get his hand even halfway around that upper arm, and Kent wasn’t flexing. Jamie breathed, “So this is what a home run hitter’s built like.”

Kent beamed like the sun; Jamie’d said something similar once before. The tattoo was his name and uniform number with the National League Champion Atlanta Braves. “You like my big arms?”

“You make me queer for muscle.”

“Then maybe you’ll like this.” Kent bent his elbow and flexed, the classic bodybuilder pose.

His muscle popped, and Jamie exclaimed. “Have you ever had that arm licked?”

“No,” Kent gasped, “but it’s sure on my wish list. So here's Order Number 1, pretty boy: start right now. Lick you some muscle. Lap up my number." And he pulled Jamie's neck till he was face to face with that red and blue tattoo.

In truth Jamie hated tattoos, a total middle-class bigot, so curing him of that was high on Kent's to-do list. Jamie was Mr. Clean-Cut, his body pristine, his look classic, devoid of any funk; but Bad Cop aimed to give him a taste for the exotic. Jamie'd previously admired the tattoo's meaning, commemorating Kent's brief but great career as a professional athlete, but Jamie would never in a million years consider getting himself inked. His Grandma warned his brother Danny not to get tattooed when he went into the service, and 13-year-old Jamie took it as the Gospel truth. Tattoos = criminals, gangbangers, drug addicts, uneducated people, and Foster boys were never to sink so low.

Danny served in the Air Force during Operation Desert Storm and made it home safely, every bit as white as before.

Jamie blinked rapidly at the etching, then his tongue came out and he started to lick the muscle.

The hand behind his head didn't let go.

He kissed the biceps a couple of times, but Kent said, "No kisses, baby, training time. All tongue, no lips. Got it? All tongue, no lips. Just lick me."

Jamie licked the big arm. His eyes found Kent's smiling back at him, nodding, encouraging.

Jamie kept licking. In a minute something happened; he got into it.

He'd had no idea how much he wanted to lick muscle. But now, with a lover who encouraged him, who liked it, something in Jamie let go. His tongue traveled all over that arm, till it finally focused on the tattoo of his All-Star.

He shut his eyes and licked athleticism, all tongue, no lips.

Tongue on muscle, a Gay guy's dream. A Major League baseball player.

Jamie became aware of the awkwardness of his body, bent at the waist and pulled by a hand. He shifted onto his knees. Kent pushed his head down onto the muscle and Jamie put his hands on the floor.

Bad Cop closed his eyes and smiled deep in his soul. They weren't even naked yet and Jamie was already in position. In a low voice Kent said, "Good job, puppy. Lick my big muscle. That's a good boy."

Jamie loved that he was pleasing him. He licked that arm with nice long strokes.

Kent whispered, "Get that bulging muscle wet, little boy. Sex is wet."

With my body I thee worship. Muscle love was the riskiest, most erotic thing Jamie had ever done. The big flexing arm started to shine where his tongue had been. He decided to get the whole thing wet.

And that hand on his head, guiding him, showing him where to go, interacted with him, told him they were both turning on; he would never have licked some passive, roided-up bodybuilder off the street, but Kent was fully part of this.

Jamie covered that arm with his tongue. And he tried to think, though he couldn't really think, what a luxury it is, a coming-out, to lick the sexy muscular arm of the man he loved. It wasn't foreplay, it was the real damn thing.

Kent pulled his head off, looked him in the eye, then spat on his own tattoo. "Lick me, boy. Sex is wet. All tongue, no lips. Lick it up."

And he pushed his head back down.

This was hotter than Jamie'd bargained for, but he got very serious about licking that spit.

Jamie used to hate tattoos, but he was getting a hardon for this one.

"Yeah," Kent muttered. "Servicin' my uni number. Like a real good boy."

Jamie's strokes got bigger and better. He worked all over that upper arm. And when he lifted it up to get at the triceps, he murmured, "Oh my God!"

Kent had the thickest, blackest, hairiest armpit Jamie'd ever seen. His tongue leapt to get that hairy sweat.

Kent had never had his armpit licked before, but he sat there with his arm up and locked Jamie's head in.

Jamie started moaning, and Kent said, "Get you some sweat, boy. Clean me with your tongue."

Kent put his head back and looked up at the ceiling for a second, then back down at the scene. Little blondboy, down on all fours, licking his pit.

He pulled Jamie's head back a little, leaned down and half-accused, "You like this, don'tcha."

"Oh yeah." So Kent guided him back home.

"You got a little pervy streak, ain'tcha." It dawned on Kent that Jamie was going to be a whole lot more fun than even he'd planned on, and he'd planned on a lot. He kicked it up a notch and whispered, "Lick my sweat, puppy. That's your new private nickname startin' tonight, just between us. Got me a new puppy I'm trainin'. Gonna make him a real good boy."

Jamie licked another minute, then broke his head free. "No more deodorants, okay? You smell great, but I'm not here to eat aluminum silicate. Man, that shit's nasty."

Kent laughed, pulled him higher and kissed him. "No more deodorants?"

"At work, yes. But why would a man put a coat of metal on his body to keep from sweating? Do baseball players do that?"

"Fuck no."

So Jamie gave him two palms up, a signal that said, "Get it?"

Kent said, "Fuck you, Gillette. Baby, you just passed your first test with flying colors. You are now a State Police-certified arm-licker. Congratulations. You'll receive your certificate Monday. It ain't valid without my signature."

Jamie chuckled, "Thank you."

"You'll get your official laminated card in the mail in a couple of weeks. Be sure to put it in your wallet in case anyone ever questions whether you're a certified Kessler sweat-licker. You passed, baby, #1 in your class."

"Sex is wet," Jamie grinned.

"You're learnin'. So let's keep gettin' to know each other."

Jamie resumed his manual explorations. His hand traveled up to big, firm deltoids, squeezing all the muscle. “Man, you are built.” He lifted Kent’s arm up just to look at his wet armpit again and said, “Oh my goodness, yes.” Kent had the blackest, hairiest undergrowth. Jamie licked once more, then leaned back to take in the view.

He closed his eyes and felt a little awe. His own underarm hair was sparse and pale; this one was a testosterone forest to get lost in.

He brought his palm downward onto a chest muscle the size of a dinner plate. The striation was incredible, Kent's nipples were huge, the size of half dollars. Jamie wasn't that keen on nipple play—his dime-sized tits were super-sensitive and couldn't take the least abuse—but he knew it wouldn't be long before he was licking these nipples like a starving baby.

He massaged them with his whole hand, and played in a patch of black hair between Kent’s pecs. Then fingertips found the other nipple, which again appeared to enjoy being touched.

Jamie felt light-headed. He was going to love this body with so much passion that if he didn’t stop now, they’d never get to the Big Necessary Discussion. So he made a fist and pounded Kent’s chest again.

Kent didn’t mind that one bit. He grabbed Jamie’s neck and kissed him.

Jamie nearly swooned. But he reconstituted and said, “There are two more candles on the dinner table. Would you get them going too?”

Kent got them started, brightening Jamie’s face and hair, illuminating the entire living-dining room; a small round table made of maple in Tell City, with four chairs, a large buffet with a hutch and pretty things displayed; an abstract oil painting, Haitian primitive, yellows and reds and greens; two armchairs, an end table, a hassock, a sofa, the glass-topped coffeetable, Renoir prints on the wall, a young woman in a red cloche hat.

The room was immaculately kept, but what Jamie saw was the slipcovers his mother had made, light green for the armchairs and hassock, gold for the couch. He was proud of her workmanship, she was a fine seamstress and upholsterer; but he wished she’d bought new instead of recovering the old. She had the money, but she wouldn’t spend it. And now it was too late.

He hoped his mother couldn’t watch them from heaven; she didn’t approve of Gay sex. But that had never stopped him before, so he sat hip to hip with Kent, holding each other.

Kent lifted him up so that Jamie straddled him, face to face, chest to chest, crotch to crotch.

Jamie whispered, “You smell so fine.” Kent had the sweetest, strangest scent, like baby powder and hormones.

Kent whispered, “Your hair’s so soft.” He stroked it over and over. “Blond hair so light, but it’s fourteen different colors.” He lifted locks up just so he could watch them fall. "Do you know how long I've waited to say that?" He played in Jamie's hair again. "Fourteen different colors of blond."

“You’re beautiful, Centerfielder. Look at that chest, you’re massive.”

“I can’t believe you’ve gained all your weight back. Man, I’m so proud of you. Got my own muscleboy right here.”

“I had professional help, though.”

“Protein shakes,” Kent ordered. “Keep at it.”

“No beets,” Jamie shuddered. “No carrot juice.”

“Those are just for vitamins. You need protein to put meat on your bones.”

Jamie didn’t make a protein joke. It might have gone over Kent’s head, or maybe not. “Any other fantasies, goals, wishes, hopes?”

“You’ll laugh at me.”

“Not likely, but maybe. I’m allowed to laugh at you, it’s a rule.”

“Something tells me I’m gonna learn a bunch of new rules.”

“We both are. You enforce rules for a paycheck.”

“Well, here’s your first one, it’s too darn hot in here.”

“Don’t even start," Jamie snorted, waving his hand. "Temperature's a done deal.”

They’d pretend-fought over this many times; Jamie would not abide being cold and Kent had long agreed to suffer. “I’ll tease you, but I’ll never complain, and I promise I’ll never touch the thermostat when you’re around. Never, man. My job’s to keep you safe and warm, Jamie. I take that job serious.”

Jamie smiled; Kent was not very good with adverbs, but he sure was good with everything else. “That’s very sweet. Thank you, I accept. Now give me another fantasy, or something we can laugh about.”

“Well, I had a lot of time to think after the Incident.” That was their name for the coma business.

“And what did you think about, Commander?”

“Will you do it, though?”

“Certainly.”

“Before I even tell you?”

“A birthday present, man, twenty-seven years’ worth. Thousands of fantasies.”

“It’s very important to me.”

“Then help me to do it well. Show me how. Train me, Coach.”

“Okay. In a way I only have one fantasy with 10,000 variations. Give me that one, man, I’ll be overjoyed.”

“Then I will.”

“Maybe I shouldn’t tell you, though. Just show you, ya think?”

“Sure. Do that.”

“I ain’t sayin’ we can’t never do it other ways. New fantasies’ll come up as time goes on, I know that. Let’s have all kinds of fun, every way there is. But I do have one thing I think about all the friggin’ time, and if you'll do it, you’ll break my heart, Jamie. In a good way.”

Jamie grew a little pensive, then a little guilty. His lover had been fantasizing about him all this time; one way of being together that he desperately wanted.

So that was the unspoken life that was starting right now.

Jamie had been so caught up in himself he hadn’t thought much about how Kent suffered after the Incident, only about how he'd been there to help him.

Jamie knew from his own experience that the caregiver suffers more than the patient. One guy gets sick, his lover goes through Dante’s worst hell.

But Jamie was emphatically not a patient anymore; that was what had changed. “I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

“Tonight?”

Jamie nodded, “I’m almost ready.”

“My God, I can’t believe how little you are. Big, impressive, the cutest muscleboy, but little too.”

“I’m big in the right places.”

“I know all about it," Kent smiled. "My arms love holding you, little man with the big dick. Even in a coma you got hardons every two hours; sometimes I'd kinda move your covers a little bit just so I could see your big boner.”

Jamie laughed, a little scandalized but not the least bit violated. “Do you remember when we met?”

“Of course.”

“That’s when I knew.”

“Me too.”

“Then why did it take all this time?”

“I was retarded. And scared. I ain’t never done this before.”

“I’ll show you.”

“Why do you bring it up, when we met?”

“I have these three criteria in men. And then three great desires, but I thought I had to keep those optional. I knew at once you had all six. Most guys don’t even have two, Kent. I’ve never met anyone remotely like you.”

“Took me five seconds.”

“Maybe my standards are a little more defined.”

“Maybe. Then again, no. Look who I got, prettiest blondboy on the planet. Gets hard regular as clockwork.”

“I walked out of that building, when you challenged my credentials, whispering those criteria. You’ll see them on my wall someday at home, I think they’re still up there. I’ve been looking for you.”

“What do they say?” Jamie had told him before, but Kent wanted to hear them again.

“Masculine. Intelligent. Sensitive. My man has to be all those things. And you are.”

“I like that you think I’m intelligent.”

“Hey, take credit for masculine and sensitive, too.”

“I’m more sensitive with you than I’ve ever been with anybody else.” That was Good Cop telling off Bad Cop.

“You’re macho with everybody.”

“Heck yeah, but so are you. I’m in a macho business. Gotta prove myself every day.”

“And then those three great desires.”

Kent gently grasped Jamie’s jaw. “Tell me.”

“Now I’m almost worried.”

“Don’t be. Just go for it, man, all the way. Trust me. I love you.”

Jamie stared Kent right in the eye and said, “I want a man who’s Powerful, Muscular and Heroic.”

Kent breathed. This was going to work out just as he’d hoped. He thought he knew Jamie pretty well, but people are always surprising each other. Kent memorized those six turnons. “Cops have power. Cops have authority. You gotta do whatever a cop says."

Jamie's jaw dropped slightly. Kent looked at him steadily, not mean, not intimidating. But insistent.

He said, "I’m glad you like my muscles too. I love my body, Jamie. Maybe that ain't an acceptable thing to say. I ain't meanin' to brag, I don't claim I'm better than other people; but I'm an athlete, just like you. And baby, I promise you, I got what you need.”

He touched himself again, and Jamie stared, realizing for the first time how deliberately sexual this man was.

The Vaughn Williams soundtrack had to give way; this man was going to fuck him. Jamie'd asked for it; this guy was going to do it.

Time to grow up. “I’m sitting here with a total stud who’s arrested 20 serial killers. Good grief, I’m getting out of these pants.”

“I’m sitting here with a total studboy who made it all happen.”

Jamie scooted away, pulled off his sneakers, yanked down his jeans and tossed them on the couch, then came back over to stand before him.

Kent’s eyes drank him in again: skin whiter than ivory. Hairless, no little moles even; one or two pale freckles if you looked really hard. Big square pecs, not rounded; male, not female. Little-boy nipples that stuck straight out. Broad shoulders that tapered down to the smallest waist. Big muscled arms, especially for a skinny little ectomorph basketball player; point guards have a hard time gaining any bulk, but this one ate well, loved his workouts and packed on great results. And the straightest, deepest-cut abs Kent had ever seen on a male animal.

Leading right down to white, low-cut Calvins straining at the seams, trying to cover up that clockwork cock and huge/tiny stick-out butt; plus distinct, muscled quadriceps where all Kent had to do was point and count to four.

Meanwhile Jamie stared at Kent’s magnificent chest. For the first time he realized how much bigger Kent really was. His triceps bulged as much as his biceps. Every move Kent made was graceful. His well-defined abs were much bulkier than Jamie’s; stronger, able to bend harder, do more. Jamie’s body was a monument to structure; Kent’s was a picture of power.

“A hundred and seventy-five pounds of muscleboy,” Kent said. “Half of it between your legs. Do me a favor. Turn around for me. Let me see you in your underwear.”

Jamie turned around, finding a stance that showed off the merchandise, with his head down in partial profile.

Kent let out a loud wolf-whistle that echoed off the walls. “Now here's another little order. Walk over to the doorway nice and slow. Let me watch you move. Just relax and move naturally, without any thought, just moving slow so I can watch your body flow.”

Jamie breathed and put himself at half-speed, walking deliberately toward the kitchen; turning, pausing, circling around the dining table to block the view (always make them want more), then coming back towards him, arms swinging freely, hips loose, eyes on the audience, projecting an open attitude, knowing every inch of him was being scrutinized, and reveling in that.

Putting on an underwear show for the only man who mattered.

Kent looked up at him. “Sold. I'm buyin' the whole shipment.”

Jamie smiled, “Thank you for your patronage.” He sat between Kent’s legs again, not quite so close. “I love that you’re such a leader. I admire you so, and to think of being close to you permanently, my heart’s breaking.”

“We make a good team, Partner.”

“For me it all starts with masculinity. That’s what my sexuality is based on. My heart wants gentleness, and my body wants strength. Getting those two in balance is what makes us real men. Being Gay doesn't change that; in fact it enhances it.”

“You totally dominated those killers.”

“No, sir. You shot ’em dead.”

For once Jamie did not add, “I just got stabbed.”

Kent shook his head. He’d never seen a more courageous act than Jamie taking on those killers. But of course he didn’t remember it; Kent knew all about it from the video.

Still, they both hated talking about the Incident. “Have you always liked muscular guys?”

“Not so much, especially not bodybuilders. But I met Bob Paris once, a Hoosier boy, and I liked him. He's a nice guy and says he never used steroids. So who am I to judge his sport, when I'm lifting weights too? Hell yes, I like muscle."

"There isn't any sport I can think of where lifting weights doesn't help your performance."

"Working out helps me maintain my appetite, getting tired from the workout helps me sleep. And I admit, I love the Pump. Then after Rick died, I thought about what I wanted in another man; just the question helped me grow up. Muscles are hot. Muscles are masculine. Muscles connote power.” Jamie looked at him, jaw out. “Do you enjoy being muscular?”

“Damn right. Makes boys like you lick me.”

“Do you like it when people look at you?”

“Very much. I got the body and they don’t. I respect other people, they come in all shapes and sizes, but I got what a boy like you needs.”

“Women have chased you. Athletes attract thousands of women.”

Kent didn’t even like to picture it. “I’m tryin’ to think whether guys ever looked at me. If they did I was too dumb to notice.”

“You're going to realize they're looking at you now.”

“Bring ’em on. I’m kind of a closeted exhibitionist, Jamie. I’m gonna love havin' you look at me.”

“Oh, muscleman.” Jamie pounded Kent’s chest some more. Then he licked his thumb and rubbed it on a big nipple.

Kent grinned. “I might get kinda cocky if you keep lookin’ at me.”

“You like cocky.”

Kent looked at Jamie’s pouch, then rubbed his own crotch. “Yeah. I like cocky a whole lot.” Jamie looked silently at that crotch, showing Kent more. “And what you just told me is, so do you.”

“Oh yeah. Cocky rocks.”

“How’d you get so intense?”

“Just born this way.”

“I’m easy-goin’. You’re not.”

“We might be a good combination. Sex is intense. It’s also relaxing.”

“Nah,” Kent said, “I want intense.”

“I’ll need you to cool me out sometimes. When it’s not the time and I get confused.”

“I know. You get hyper a lot, and angry sometimes. But you also care more than most people, more than anyone else I’ve ever met. I love that in you, baby.”

“Will you help me?”

“Nah. I’ll just slam you down and fuck you silly.”

Jamie burst into laughter. Kent pulled him closer, rubbed their crotches together.

Jamie stared down; oh God, you’re touching me there!

He leaned all the way back on his heels to give him more room. Kent said, “I like you, cocky boy.”

“Show me what you’ve got, stud.”

“In a minute. Right now I like havin’ you more naked than I am. Like you’re eager for my body. Like you can’t wait for it.”

“I am eager. Will sex with me seem foreign to you?”

“No,” Kent shook his head. “Sex with women seems foreign to me.”

“I guess I need to hear that.”

“I want you to show me the way sometimes, when you gotta be the cocky boy. So I can learn from your example.”

“Do you want to?”

“As if you ain’t made it clear I ain’t the only one cocky here.”

Jamie laughed. “Or the only exhibitionist.”

“Really?”

“A little.” Jamie was a former model, high fashion, underwear, (and in Europe) his naked behind. No frontal nudity, though.

“In case you’re asking, yeah, I’m curious about pleasuring your dick.”

“I guess I was asking. I’ve been afraid that if we ever did get together, you'd never want to reciprocate.”

“I know at first I won’t be no good. But I admit, I’ve thought about it. If it makes my guy feel good, I'm gonna do it.”

“I want you out of those jeans, so let’s both get cocky.”

Jamie moved away. Kent started pulling off a boot, but it was brand new and didn’t want to come off. He struggled with it, or appeared to. He eyed his little blond prey.

“Here, let me.” Jamie tugged on it and got it off.

Kent leaned back on an elbow and said, “Now ain't that a picture; you helpin’ me with my boots.”

Jamie got the other one off and looked inside the shaft. “Frye. Nice. Warren Buffett thanks you.”

“I was goin’ on a date. So I decided to splurge on some new boots.”

“Excellent. I like boots too.”

“I only seen you in 'em once, those silver-gray ropers. You got anymore back home?”

“Yes.” Jamie’s home was Columbus, Ohio, where he was a reporter for The Ohio Gay Times. “Boots for most occasions, not a big fetish collection.”

Kent pulled Jamie’s chin close. “I love boots. I'm never without my footwear.”

“Oh, they turn you on?”

“Kinda. With you they sure do. Maybe you need some apprentice trainin' too, how to help your man out of his boots. The proper procedure and all, the right moves. With lots of practice.”

Jamie started to feel a little threatened. But he said, “Ooh, that’s going to cost you those Levi’s, Mr. Cocky. Stand up.”

Kent did. “I’m more than ready to get these badboys off.”

Jamie got up on his knees in front of Kent, grasped his hips and slowly kissed his giant silver belt buckle, which had a Braves Indianhead on it. It wasn’t politically correct anymore, it never was, but Kent had more right than most people to wear it.

Then Jamie lowered his head, eyed that big bulge, closed his eyes and kissed it.

His lips were on Kent’s packed crotch, something neither of them had fully dared to hope for.

Jamie couldn’t believe it—and he couldn’t leave it either. He felt the denim next to his face, the heat that radiated out. He lay his face next to it and just knelt there, holding Kent’s hips with his dick in his face.

Kent, high above him, cupped both hands around the back of Jamie’s head and pressed him home. Seduce, Submit, Surrender.

Jamie moaned and buried his face in Kent’s crotch. He started licking the outline of cock.

That was the moment, the next one anyway, when Kent knew he was going to make him his.

Life started now: Kent standing, Jamie kneeling, Kent taking control.

They remained that way in silence a little while, so Jamie could experience it. Oh yeah, pretty boy. Eat my dick.

At last Jamie broke away, looked up and said, “There are two things that absolutely must be said before we’re naked. I’m stripping your jeans off now, and once we understand these last two things, let’s go to the bedroom.”

“Okay.” Kent undid his belt buckle and let Jamie pull his Levi’s off him. Kent was so glad to be out of those hot things. “But I got somethin’ on my mind too.”

“Oh my stars,” Jamie muttered. “Look at that.” Kent stood in front of him, straining elastic in a jock strap.

"I been wearin' a jock every time I'm with you. Just the sight of you gets me hard, thinkin' about you. I didn't want other people at the post knowin' it. So say what you gotta say."

Jamie smoothed out his hair, “Um, we have to do safe sex.” There, he got it out finally; why was it such a struggle? He pulled Kent down to sit with him again.

“No, we don’t, man. I got you covered, I promise.”

“Yes, we do, Kent. It’s an ironclad rule.”

“Rules are negotiable, bad laws get repealed. We’re both HIV-negative, man.”

“We are?” Jamie blinked. “How do you know?”

“We both got tested after the Incident.”

“They tested me in a coma? That’s not right.” The activist in Jamie started to get aroused. “They have to get signed permission. It’s illegal not to ask; that’s a Federal law. It can affect a person’s entire course of treatment. All of a sudden hospital trays don’t get delivered, the room doesn’t get cleaned. No one answers a goddamn call button. It happened to Ricky and he didn’t even have HIV! The mere rumor is sufficient.”

Kent put his hands on Jamie’s shoulders, “Cool out, baby: you're right, but Danny signed for you, Jamie, he gave them permission. He knew you were negative, and it helped us officers.” They still staged a general panic, but they got through it. All that blood, cops were bound to go nuts.

Jamie’s face softened; he loved his brother Danny. “Oh. Really? Well, okay, I guess, if Danny said so; if it helped you. I wish he’d told me, though. Every insurance company in America will know I’m Gay! But if it helped you guys, that’s fine. That’s a good reason, it helped you.”

Kent silently cursed a certain female trooper, his ex-sorta-girlfriend, the leader of the panic and the next to be arrested. “We’re both negative, man. Think about it.”

Jamie’s eyes widened. “There are re-tests, though.”

“I been re-tested. And you were negative before. Ain’t neither one of us been with nobody since. I know, I been watchin’ you like a hawk.”

“But there are other diseases too.”

“I had ‘em do a full workup. And Danny okayed that for you the first time. We’re disease-free, Jamie. I got the lab results to prove it, in an envelope in my glovebox. Want me to go get it? I wrote your name on it when I sealed it up. It’ll just take a minute.” Kent reached for his jacket as a coverup; he didn’t want the neighbors calling any cops. He pulled his boots back on.

“No, don’t go, that would be like I need proof, that your word isn't sufficient.”

“You sure?” Kent realized Jamie really was as vulnerable as he talked about.

“Show me tomorrow, stud. I’d like knowing that you had this all planned out.”

Kent tossed the jacket and sat on the floor again. “As long as we’re monogamous, Jamie…”

“Um, have you received all the vaccines by any chance?”

“Absolutely, I’m a cop. I don’t want none of them bugs some criminal’s got. Last thing I need’s some junkie with hepatitis.”

Jamie swallowed. “I’m not sure I know how not to have safe sex. But what a nice problem.”

“It’s real easy, the same way people have always done it. I'll train ya, boy; ya just open up your lips and blow.”

Jamie stared open-mouthed at Kent’s crotch, and slowly started emitting a sound. Comic books might have called it “Eek,” which wasn’t how it actually sounded, but close enough.

Kent said, “You give me a great big bulge, Jamie, starin' at me like that. What’s the other thing you’re thinking of, besides my dick?”

Jamie had to shake out the cobwebs in his head. It wasn’t easy with bareback cock on his brain. He stood up so he could think on his feet, another sure sign of a hyper ectomorph. He spoke rapidly, “Well, I don’t know at all how this is going to sound. But maybe it’s the reason I thought of the candle ceremony. I’ve been wondering lately what it means that I’m still alive.”

Kent’s eyes got big. Softly he said, “Come back here, please. I want to hear every word of this. Come and be with me, Jamie. These are things we never talked about, and I'm dyin' to know.”

Jamie came back and Kent sat him on his lap to cuddle him, and give him some dick where he needed it. “It didn’t hit me at first. Not till I got home. And then one day…”

“You were so busy recovering.”

“I realized how much time I was wasting. Time, as if it’s an endless commodity, just plug-and-play. But I know for certain it isn’t. Time is something I don’t have. None of us do, but we don’t realize it until it’s too late.”

“What happened that day, man? Tell me.”

“I’d read everything in the newspapers, like I always do. Then I started looking around for something else to do; I was completely at loose ends. I finally played a few games of solitaire. There I was with… playing cards, aces and jacks and deuces. It’s the biggest waste of time on the whole damn planet, and there I was playing solitaire.”

Kent just listened and held him.

“I thought about turning on the TV, but I already knew all the news; so what would I find, some tired sitcom? A cop show? I don’t ever need to watch any more cop shows.”

Kent nodded. He’d often advised crime victims not to watch cop shows. They get more graphic every year.

“I asked myself why I was needing to be entertained. Of course it was simple boredom; I was idle, naturally I was bored. But I decided not to turn on the TV, to look around for something more engaging, more real. I ended up writing something instead. And, um, well, talking to God about it. I don’t at all know how you feel about that.”

They had never discussed religion, but now they were becoming—what, a family unit? Heck yes, it was time. Kent said, “I’m in favor of talkin' to God; I done it plenty myself here lately, prayin' about you. I ain’t that religious, Jamie, I won’t lie to ya; but I pretty much believe. With me church is, well, it’s a family thing mostly, just somethin’ that Kesslers always do ’cause we always have. It’s tradition, I guess, the old man was a preacher; and I’m glad for it, especially at the holidays. Over the years some of it’s prob’ly rubbed off on me; I hope it has. I wanta believe that Jesus is Lord; I just ain’t sure all the time, which is prob’ly my own fault. You were talkin’ to God?”

Jamie played in Kent's black curly hair. “Yes. And I ended up asking him, why am I here?”

Kent was perplexed for what to do. He was a problem-solver, not a theorist, but this was a problem he didn't know how to fix. “What happened next?”

Jamie looked him full in the face. “Here’s the crazy part, or the most real. He answered me back."

Kent's mouth opened, his eyes got big. He had narrow, deep-set black eyes, so when they got big, that was news. "God talked back?"

"Not only that, he spoke in a way that felt unmistakable to me, this great huge surprise. I had no doubt whose voice it was."

"Gee whiz. I don't think God talks to people, Jamie, unless they're saints or somethin'. Every time I know about, it's some mental case thinkin' the TV's sendin' him messages."

"I know. But the TV was off. And there I was, yammering along about what was going on with me, and he actually interrupted my sentence. I didn’t hear a voice or anything, it couldn't be measured in decibels; but out of left field, implanted in my brain from outside myself, came this whole other thought, clear as a bell, stopping me. God doesn’t need to hear anymore, he knows right where I’m going with this; what he needs is my attention. So bang, he interrupts: ‘You’re here because I want you to be.’”

Kent sat back, his jaw dropping more. "Dang.”

“I lost my whole train of thought; God interrupted me. First person singular, referring to himself as I. I didn't produce that voice; he was addressing me. My head just vibrated like a bell, and I felt this rush of energy from top to bottom. Electricity is all I can compare it to, like a chill that runs down your back, your legs, every finger, every toe. And it lingered awhile, fifteen or twenty seconds, so I'd know it was him, before slowly fading away.”

They felt the confusion of that; Kent held him.

What kind of a guy not only talks to God but gets an answer back? Kent tried to think of whether he knew of anyone who ever heard an answer, but he knew he didn't.

Was Jamie nuts, or onto something? People can invent things, fool themselves. But if God is really God, he can do anything he damn well wants.

Besides, Kent had had a supernatural experience himself three months ago, the minute Jamie came striding into the state police post. It never occured to Kent it could have been God talking, but the “outside myself, implanted in my brain” was eerily familiar.

Was it God who transfixed Kent at the mere sight of this guy? Kent was suddenly glued to the floor that day, unable to move a muscle. It went on for three or four minutes, total paralysis, the weirdest thing that ever happened in his life.

Jamie said, “So if my perception is true, what are the implications? ‘I’m here because he wants me to be.’ Yikes! Am I supposed to do something now? If so, what?

“I haven’t come up with any answers yet. Not at all, those take more time; more prayer, more listening. But I did decide, from here on out—including tonight, Kent, especially tonight—to take advantage of the gift of my life, even if I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now. All I can think is conventional thoughts, that I must try to excel in all the things I do; to give as much to you and to others as I possibly can; to savor all the moments I’m given, even the difficult ones, the horrible ones; and to recognize that time is a gift not everyone gets. There is no reason—none at all—that I should be alive and not Aaron Haney.”

Mr. Haney was one of the earliest murder victims, whose story touched Jamie more deeply than the others. Aaron Haney, the Gay youngest son of petty criminals in Richmond, Indiana, made something of himself. He went back to school, got a GED, then a license in practical nursing, moved to Indianapolis and took care of old people, up until the night he felt so lonely that he went to a Gay bar and got drunk, where he fell into the trap of one Thomas Alan Ford, whom Kent finally shot dead twelve years later, the night of the Incident.

Jamie would never forgive Tommy Ford for what he did to Aaron Haney. Jamie interviewed Aaron’s co-workers at the nursing home, and even after all those years they were still torn up about their beloved Aaron. “He cared about these patients,” a Black woman nurse half-yelled at Jamie. “He cared more than some of their families do. What does that tell you, huh? Look around this facility. It’s a damn nursin’ home. It’s where you send people that’s too old and too sick to bother with anymore. It’s where you put the people that’s on Medicaid, that ain’t got nothin’, that don’t got nowhere else to go, so you stick ’em in a home and pay $89 a day, or 72, or 56, or 24, ’cause Lord knows the Medicaid is costin’ Republicans too damn much money, and they’s just old people anyway. So the politicians cut back and cut back, and all that’s left for wages even an illegal immigrant won’t take. Who wants to work with a bunch of old stinky elderly? Do you? You’s too fine a man to take care of people like these. But that Aaron, he was the soul of sweetness with these patients; till that con man, that ass-end o’ trash, stole him from the patients that needed him. Up and stole him! Man, that ain’t right. It just ain’t right!”

Jamie teared up, got her on tape, then printed every word of it. One of the glories of Gay media is that they never purported to be "family newspapers," so they can print quotes the mainstream media water down to complete nonsense.

He had cried many times for Aaron Haney, and Kelvin, and the others. He tried now to remember the latest victim’s name, the marketing guy from the Indiana Pacers whose body was found at Willow Slough. It took awhile, but Glenn Archer Ferguson’s name finally crept through the fog.

Jamie said, “So what do I owe Aaron and Glenn and all the others—what do I owe you, Commander?—but to live as fully and deeply as I can in whatever time I have left? Do I not owe you that, and owe them, and owe God?”

Kent thought of a country song, Live Like You Are Dyin'.

He knew a lot of songs like that. People would buy the records and love the ideas, but never make the day-to-day choices the songs suggested.

For that matter, he didn’t either. Till now anyway. Maybe Jamie could show him how?

Jamie said, “How do I repay such a debt, but to be the best, and do the best I can? That’s why I can’t wait to get back to work, Kent. I have to do something to take advantage of the gift I’ve received. Anything less is somehow disloyal to God; to myself, to you and your task force which came and got me.”

On some level Kent was speechless. So he stayed tuned in to his boyfriend. Correction: his husband. "Don't go back to Ohio, though; stay here with me. I need you, baby, stay here with me."

“I end up with nothing but clichés so far: work hard, play hard, give it all you’ve got. But by God we both know it can be taken away at any moment.”

Their eyes locked. Jamie said, “I promise from the depth of my heart to love you, and be loyal to you, and watch your back, and help you make a safe home, especially if you’ll let me show you how much fun it is when we cook together.” They grinned a little; Kent couldn't shave a sno-cone. “And cherish you as the most precious gift of all. There is no good reason, nothing of my own merit, that I should have survived when others did not. But I am given this chance and even more, I’m given the most wonderful man to love. You know what I think of you, Mr. Masculine Intelligent Sensitive Powerful Muscular Heroic? Listen hard, ’cause you may never hear this out of my mouth again.

“I love you, Kent Kessler. You are a paragon of manly virtues; working hard in the midst of insanity for chump change from the ungrateful people of Indiana. And I want to suck your dick for it. I admit it, I’m Gay, sucking dick is what I do. Especially hot stud muscular guys who rescue people, and solve crimes, and prevent violence.

“So till my last day I vow, to you and to God from this night forward, to honor you, to love you, in mind and soul and body; and to make the most of all God’s gifts, of which the greatest of all is love.”

Kent squeezed him tight, “Man, I’m gonna spoil you rotten. Kiss me quick.”

They held each other, and Jamie said softly, “Let’s live our lives as fully as we know how. Let’s spend some money—and give some away. Let’s make a lot of love; in everything we do, let it be lovemaking, whether it’s work or play or painting the garage, it’s something we do to make love to each other. Whenever you need kisses, my lips are yours. Anytime you want your dick sucked, just come to me. Anytime you need something warm and strong and hard in your mouth, call my name. Let’s show each other what our bodies are for, why God gave them to us; so we can give them to each other. And let’s fill each other up till we’re overflowing with riches, ecstatic with delight, screaming and joyous, rolling on the floor, full of cock and come and laughter.

“And when the world tries to grind you down, when you’re worn out and discouraged, sick of humanity and ready to quit, I’ll rock your ass, buddy, or sit on your dick just like right now, and call you Daddy and Lover, Commander, my Prince. I’ll ask for more, Daddy, can I please have some more? And you’ll give it to me, give me everything, because this is the only moment we have. It’s right now, this is it! So let’s use it for fucking, for lovemaking, and find inside this moment that God made it for eternal life.”

Kent shuddered. This boy, this strong grown man, must never leave him. "I love it when you call me Daddy."

Non-sequitur. "You do?" They were only six months apart.

This was what Kent called a Permission: "You're even right sometimes to call me Daddy. It ain't about age, Jamie, it's about respect, someone you look up to. Forget that stereotype from lousy porn. It ain't about how old I am, baby, but a guy you admire and kinda want to be like; my father was sure that way. You're telling me you want a hero; I ain't one, but I'd give anything to be that guy."

Kent was almost in pain about this. "Oh, Daddy, you are."

"I want to be the big powerful guy you always wanted, the one you look up to, your husband, your Daddy, your stud. But it's a whole lot easier to leap tall buildings when I know my boy believes in me. When this incredible boy, who's so fucking courageous, thinks I am someone to look up to."

Seduction. Surrender. "I do believe in you, Kent. I know what you can do. I love you, Daddy. It's not just that you saved my life; it's all the future victims you saved."

Kent could barely hear that, but he held him tight. "Boy, get this: I promise to watch over you better than your father."

Jamie was stunned. They'd never even mentioned his father.

Kent said, "So when you call me Daddy, you're right. Let me be your father figure; let me take his place. Baby, say the word, I'm knockin' that asshole aside. I'm your Daddy now, got it? I'm the one you look up to. And you're my boy, Jamie, like you were born to be, my sidekick, my Partner, my better! It's time you got a Daddy who fuckin' treats you right, who don't abuse you, who appreciates what a gifted guy you are, and who gives to you, not just takin' all the time. I got what you need, baby, and I swear to God I'm gonna take care of my boy."

Jamie stared with so much wonder, incomprehension and longing that he couldn't say a word.

Kent dialed it back and picked up an old thread. “Live every day like it’s the last one you get. ’Cause it just might be. Law enforcement officers know that better than anyone."

Jamie held Kent’s face in his hands, then with two fingers traced down his cheekbone to his lips, a soft gentle touch like a kiss. “Starting now,” Jamie said.

Kent vowed, “Starting now, married boy.”

Jamie rose to his feet, shook out his hair, took his lover’s hand and started to lead him to the bedroom, where life was going to begin right now.

But Kent grabbed his arm and stopped him; “You’re forgetting who's boss here, buddy. I'm your Commander. So I’m cashing in Fantasy #2 right now. You're in training, okay? Just do what I say, and I'll train you right. Do it my way, baby, just like I tell ya, and I promise I'll show ya everything you need to know."

Jamie got toothy with delight; Kent was going to show him how to love him. Jamie got so excited he had to sprint in place for several steps, stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp, loosening himself up and shouting, “Yow! The man of my dreams and he loves me!”

Kent pulled him in close and belly-laughed. "Hyper boy, just needs a Daddy to slow him down sometimes." Jamie vocalized, that same little purring sound. Kent grasped him by the jaw and kissed him. "Don't worry, baby, I know what I'm doin'."

Then he steered his blond muscleboy to the bedroom by the neck.

Bad Cop doesn't let anyone lead him around; he does the leading. And Good Cop cherished every second.++

© 2009 Josh Thomas, All Rights Reserved.